Well my friends, Kailey is home from her school trip to Ottawa and I couldn't be happier! Seriously after having her gone for the week it made me realize how much I love her! Not that I ever wondered how much I love her...its just when they are not with you...your heart aches..and my heart was aching!
Its nice to see her freckle face and beautiful blue/green eyes, hear her talk and listen to her footsteps again across our kitchen floor. We are heading out for a much needed family night..movie and dinner with the kids. I will never give up on asking/making my children spend time with Paul and I. I must admit the next couple years living with teenagers is going to prove to be difficult. I still have some control over certain things...however I am learning to let go. I have so much on my mind right now in life. Paul and I took Braden out for lunch on Wednesday and discussed what he would like to do for his college years? You know, go alone with a nursing staff or have one of us (meaning his parents) come with him, rent a townhouse, or apartment? We do have a year until we need to be thinking of this stuff, but I am a planner and I hate change so the conversation was more for my sake because I am kinda freaking out about it! Braden laughs at me...he is understanding of my concerns and he gets that its going to be hard for me! He ever so sweetly reminded me that he has and always will have only.."one mommy" and he will always need me! The thought of someone else filling my shoes and taking care of his needs literally makes me want to throw up, I will need somesort of professional help to get through this phase of life! It will be hard to give it up...but I am preparing know, and I will take my time to accept the changes and find a way to strong and remain mentally stable. It will be fine, I can do this!
Anyways, when I was trying to come up with a topic for today's blog I kinda thought about the next few years with having teenagers around and still spending time with them as a family. You see, Kailey is growing up way to fast...and my eyes are just now opening up to this idea. So, i am trying to find a balance that suits all of our needs while living together in this place we call home! It's going to have to be a give in take situation...I understand there will be times when she and Braden will not have the time to go to movies, out to dinner or even possibly just a lazy summer day out by the pool. However, with that said, I hope they realize that I am their mother and they were born into this family so they better understand that I will have expectations when it comes to family time. Family time is vital when raising children and I feel it keeps them grounded and that makes them feel safe. My children will always have roots here, and I will probably always expect them to give me one dinner a week (that's when they are all grown up) and of course holidays. I still see my parents once a week for dinner's and those days are my favorite day's of the week. I know my kids have a strong heart for home, they love to spend time with us...just not as much as they use too and that's ok. I am enjoying watching them grow and change and become independant, smart, sophisticated young adults...where did the time go my friends?
I have taken some information to share with you, incase you too are raising teenagers and struggling with spending time with them. Hope this helps.
What parents can do - spend time with your teenager
This is often hard to arrange as young people usually want to spend a lot of time with their friends. You may have to be very flexible in order to make sure it happens. Here are some suggestions for special times.
Mealtimes - if the family eats together, at least on some occasions you can share what happened in your day, what’s the latest news, their ideas and interests.
Drive them when they need to be dropped off. Offering to drive gives you a good opportunity for time together. Teenagers often talk more easily when not looking at you face to face.
Bedtime. A visit to their bedroom for a casual chat can work for you both.
Coffee time. Use a few spare minutes to offer to take your teenager out for a coffee or milkshake (probably at a shop where their friends don’t usually go - teenagers are often embarrassed if their friends see that they are out with a parent).
It isn’t easy to find special times but if you can manage it’s worth it.
Respect their privacy
Give them some space of their own. Ask their permission to enter their room.
Don’t go through their diaries or drawers in their absence.
Don’t pry for information except where it is important for you to know to make sure they are safe. For example, it is okay to ask teenagers to let you know where they will be when they are not at home.
Take an interest in their interests - and share yours
Try really listening to some of their music and then talk about the words of songs you like best.
Watch their sport or activities – don’t coach them (unless you are the official coach), but be supportive.
Watch their favourite TV shows with them sometimes - without being too critical.
Try sharing something about your work or your interests as you would with an adult friend.
Share something about your own adolescence (without preaching!) and share a laugh with them about how things have changed.
Take them to a movie that you would both like (or go to one of theirs and talk about it.)
Listen to them
When young people talk to parents they often get advice, reassurance or a sermon before they have had a chance to really say how they feel. This not only stops communication, it also stops teenagers finding their own ways to deal with problems. The most helpful responses from parents are ones that show interest and open the way for the young person to talk on, such as:
"How come?"
"You must have felt..."
"That sounds exciting...."
Show your love for them
Love needs to be continually shown in order to be felt.
Tell your teenagers often that you love them (when the time seems right).
Show your love by touching and hugging (teenagers who say they are too old for hugs will often accept a quick hug before they are fully awake in the mornings, or will like to have their aches massaged after sport).
Buy their favourite food sometimes.
Buy something on a shopping trip that says “I was thinking about you”.
Go out of your way to help them with special projects.
Pick them up from outings on the other side of town.
Leave a note on their pillow telling them that you felt proud of something they have done or that you love them (for no particular reason).
Make special memories
Doing special things together can have lasting effects.
Take one of your teenager’s friends on holiday with you.
Take the family to a special show you would not usually go to.
Explore a special place with your teenager.
Create traditions that are special to your family, eg a special way that you always celebrate birthdays.
Make sure that your teenager feels a part of the wider family, eg by sharing family occasions. (Many teenagers groan about these for a while but they are also part of their security).
Make a collection of photographs of family and friends, over their childhood and growing up years, and hang them on a wall.
Have faith in them
Let them know they are special.
Ask their advice about something they know a lot about, eg how to program the DVD player.
Display their photographs and crafts.
Keep a scrapbook of their special achievements.
If they make mistakes have faith that they will do better next time.
Just a little information to help you along the way while raising teenagers! I found this information helpful, and actually alot of the tips I already do..it's nice to see that I am trying to keep a strong family relationship with these two amazing teens!!
