I've been away....sorry~

I have  nothing to say except I have slipped off the band wagon. I literally have not blogged in FOREVER...and I feel terrible about that. There is no rhyme or reason...just plain lack of interest, no motivation..and part laziness. This damn Pinterest is taking over my life. I am currently planning a halloween party and I am obsessed with Pinterest...the whole party is being planned through that website. I just found a topic for tomorrow's blog..lol..if I make it on here..so thats a start.
Until tomorrow my friends play safe, play hard~

Just wanted to share this "cute" picture..lol I will be pulling this off at my halloween party this year, looks cool!!

It has not been a good week...but I am back from holidays and ready to blog again!

I can not even begin to express the pain that I am feeling this week, not emotional or mental pain...physical pain. Almost 2 weeks ago I somehow hurt my back, and while doing this caused some problems with my Sciatic nerve. So its been tricky and difficult working with Braden with a sore back and a weak leg. Finally I went to the doctor's and he put me on an Anti-inflammatory, muscle relaxer and I need to go for physiotherapy. This past couple days I have taken the anti-inflammatory and I have found some relief, I was starting to feel good again, until today...
I managed to get Braden up this morning, he had an appointment this afternoon so I had to get in the shower to get ready to take him. All was going well until I slipped in the shower and fell down only breaking my fall with my head on the wall and then the bath tub. I have never fallen that bad ever in my life. I banged my head, black out only for a second and immediatley the headache started. I felt for blood, or too see if my head had been cut open. The water was still coming down on my as I lay at the bottom of the tub, I knew Braden heard me..and I was worried he'd come to the washroom and see my lying naked at the bottom of the tub..*I was hurting* my head was throbbing,  my back was killing me..and i  just wanted to get out of the bathroom and gain control over all the feelings that were flooding me. I stayed so quiet, silently whispering to myself to stay with it and not pass out. Thankfully I stayed in tune, slowly dried off...got dressed and texted Paul so he knew if I continued to have a headache he would have to come home and I may need to head to the hospital. I gave myself an hour, my head throbbed...I have one hell of a goose egg and my heart is sad. I am so tired of having a sore back...and know my neck, shoulders, arm, leg and head all hurt...and my heart hurts cause I miss my baby girl SO much. I am sitting here tonight very thankful for the muscle relaxers cause I so know if I didn't have them the pain in my body would be ridiculous tonight from my fall alone.
In my moment of sorrow...through the week (before the fall) I was recounting how it is in my life, even though most of you look at my days as being spent taking care of my son...because I have too. In reality, I do not have to take care of Braden....I need to take care of him. It may appear that I am "such a good mom" because I do such a wonderful job caring for him. Sure when he was young, it was something that I needed/wanted to do...no one was going to do a better job than I. However we have come to a time were technically we could hire nursing staff...we do have a wonderful young nurse who is amazing. We are grateful to him, but we really could hire more nurses..and really I could give up my "nursing" job with Braden and just be mom. Our reality however is we still rely on that income...it is MY job. If I were to pay a nurse, it would take from our income...just as it would from you if you were to lose your job. So really, back pain or not....headache..goose bump, arthritis..whatever may be my ailment, I still HAVE to work..cause its part of our income. Thankfully Braden is fine with our arrangement still, and honestly..I am his mom, and he understands I know him better than anyone. There will come a day when we will have to hire more nursing staff, attendant care and house cleaners for him (well he will be responsible for that) and Paul and I will be down to one income again (unless I decide to find another job)...and when that time comes we will be ready to downsize our home, travel and retire into a lifestyle we love. Regardless of what happens I know we will choose happiness...money will not be a deciding factor in any of our choices, until then...my life will continue on with me working this job here at home, contributing to our lifestyle through my income. I will have painful and aching days worse I am sure as I age...but I will continue to do my part in this family, cause I am aware that my sacrifices is what allows us this wonderful life we have.