Don't Handicapp your children...

Most parents wait 18 years for this moment! The moment when your kid goes off to college, its an exciting time...and i'm certainly not excempt from that excitment. Yesterday we took Braden down to Sheriden College in Oakville for an orientation with Special Services. They offer some pretty amazing services for Braden and his needs. Our orientation date came up very quickly, there wasn't alot of time to prepare, as Braden applied for a program there last minute..on a whim.  Ya just one evening, he decides to apply, comes out to tell us and then Paul and I go into action. I don't think Braden realized at that time how much information was going to be needed for the college before we could attend the information session. We had to get so much documentation regarding his medical, physical and educational needs.
Thankfully this mom keeps everything and had many up to date assessments and IEP's that we could take to this orientation. We even had a Neuro-psychoeducational assessment done in 2009, which at the time i had completed because once again we were fighting with the school board. Again, that's another story, lets just sum it up by saying I paid a shit load of money to have this assessment done so that the school's "special ed" classroom could understand (because they are fucked*) that we are NOT concerned with Braden's independance in the classroom. Our concerns were his ability to retrieve the classroom content effeiciently and effectively so that he is understanding it and keeping up...so STOP making him scribe by himself and don't be so god damn lazy and scribe for him!! OMG...see how upset i get just thinking about it! For this reason, Braden left highschool to finish on line...they just caused to much stress..wasn't worth it!
Ok, back to the assessment....yes, it was VERY thorough, VERY time consuming but VERY worth it. It worked out perfectly because unlike many of the families there yesterday...we had our assessment finished which means they can continue ASAP with getting his needs met, and we won't have to wait for anything. PERFECT!!
God works in mysterious ways...because at the time this assessment was being completed I was so frustrated and pissed off at the sum of money we were having to spend on something that wasn't necessary.
 I did have a couple days of panic, fear, excitment and anxiety but it all went away and reality sunk in. Who doesn't want their children to be successful and happy?! We were not planning on Braden to go to college this September..we had originally agreed that he'd take another year and upgrade any marks he may have needed to get higher in and he'd also do more therapy and get a bit stronger before heading off to such a huge committment. But, I guess Braden decided he wanted to get moving and start his future in movie making! We still have many unanswered questions, i'm sure once we get more information i'll have a better understanding on how he will get there, how long are his classes, will they provide someone to take care of him or will we?? See, so much to think about, but definately do-able. I'm not as nervous about things as most of you might think...you have to remember he will be 19 years old in the fall. By the time our children reach this age you are pretty much ready to let them go and live their own lives. I am certainly not excempted from that either, maybe it'd be different if the boy wasn't wanting to leave or was too insecure to go off to college. It helps knowing that HE is ready, HE is the one persuing this...really, what choice do I have? We all want our children to be successful, its why we work so hard when they are young providing them with experiences, educating them, encouraging them and hopefully we are passing on the tool's they need to find their own way in this world. I guess for Paul and I seeing Braden off to college is a way of telling us...great job mom and dad! All those weekends spent together, family time, museums, camping, vacations, sleepovers, parties, movie nights, volunteer hours and endless get togethers with friends and family has given him the ability to grow up, to move on. We spent ALOT of time with our children, especially with Braden always being sure that he experienced the exact same things that other children were expriencing...and its paid off...we see the light, its so close! I must admit, Paul and I walk our dogs every night, its our time to talk and catch up or discuss concerns we have. It's nice, we often speak about how fast our lives with young children has flown by. We feel almost like we are dating again, we have so much time together..and we love it! We've done our job, its not over...don't get me wrong! We still have many many years invested in raising these two punks, *wink* BUT, its getting easier...the choices are not ours anymore, its up to them! Phew..

Oh boy..the thought of grandchildren terrifies me...like I said, it goes so quick...soon enough i'll be blogging about that!!! *Eyes closed, head between hands*

Reese’s Peanut Butter Banana Bread

Ingredients

• 3 very ripe bananas, mashed
• 1/2 cup peanut butter
• 1/4 cup oil
• 1 egg
• 1/2 cup granulated sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar
• 1 1/2 cups of all purpose flour
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 8 oz bag of Reese’s Mini cups

How to Make

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Grease your loaf pan (I used an 8 x 4 pan) with butter or shortening.
3. In a medium bowl whisk together your flour, baking soda, baking powder and salt, set aside.
4. In a large bowl stir together your bananas, peanut butter, oil, egg and sugars.
5. Pour your dry ingredients into your wet ingredients and stir until just combined. Batter will be lumpy. DO NOT OVER-STIR.
6. Fold in your Reese’s Mini cups and spread batter into prepared pan.
7. Bake for approx 1 hour or until toothpick inserted into center comes out clean.
8. Let cool in pan for 10 minutes, then loosen the edges of the pan with a knife and remove from loaf pan, transferring bread to a cooling rack.

I tried this recipe awhile ago back, it was really good..but very sweet! Its something i'd make if your daughter was having a sleepover or you were throwing a baby shower or something like that! You'd want it eaten up pretty quickly, you'd only want a piece of it as its so sweet~

Antiquing...

How is everyone's weekend going? I am having a wonderful one. Spending lots of time with my hubby, doing all the things we love to do. There was an antique show at a Conservation park in Hamilton this weekend so we took a trip down there. I didn't find anything there, it was ALOT of old furniture and as much as i love antiques...i wouldn't have a clue as how to mix antique furniture in with my own decor. So for know, i'll stick to my own collections. We did stop at another antique shop though and I did find two treasure's there. Recently I took a liking to antique fans...I have three in my collection so far. Up untill the 1950's there was no regulation on the grill face of the fan. The spaces on the grill are so dangerous, i can't imagine how many young children were seriously injured by sticking little fingers into it. My oldest fan is dated back to the 20's...can you imagine how many people used this fan? That stuff intrigues me, I love to think of all the owners of these things. How many newly married couples, babies, elderly people all slept with this fan at their bedside. So cool..
We are off tomorrow to Braden`s college orientation. This is so exciting, such a big deal....can you believe if all goes well my boy will be a college student in September? Did I also mention that he just booked his own trip to Calgary? Seriously friends, where did the time go?

My first old fan that i found, this one is from the 1920`s..isn`t it old? I have to clean it up still, check out the grill..lol..so unsafe!

My two treasures..This fan will be cleaned up and oiled so it can work upstairs in my spare room. I have an old typewriter up there and this fan will look so great right beside it!
The fan below is probably my favorite, i just love the color and look of it...

Well friends, have a wonderful Sunday, i hope you all get the chance to spend it with family and friends~

Looking through the looking glass..

Last night, Paul and i were going through ALOT of old and new paper work, files and files of stuff. We have some stuff dated back to the beginning of our marriage which is 19  years ago. Bank statements, financial agreements, old work pay stubs..so much stuff. It was so fun going back and looking at our past, we had some good laughs.
One of the best things we came accross was some older phycological testing assessment papers that were from myself and/or with Paul. The great thing about this is it kinda of acts like a diary for around the events that took place with my recovering through Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Back when I was trying to survive through all the wonderful effects of this disorder..i did not keep notes. I had no time too, even though I was struggling in life and suffering from depression, grief, fear, anger and anxiety...I still had to get out of bed and take care of two kids, in which one was severly disabled.
My worry is however, I had difficulty reading these reports...I couldn't do it. I didn't want to look back, I didn't want to feel that pain all over again. The memories came flooding back, and that was just a small part of the report that I read.
I also found a ton of older reports from doctor's, therapists and psychologists that all had to pertain to Braden and his recovery. I have forgotten so much from that time in our lives. Its so great that I have these as they will be fantastic resourses in the making and writing of my book.

The thought of this book is so overwhelming..there's just so much information. It's going to be challenging trying to pick apart the important pieces or the parts that I feel are most instrumental. I had a lovely evening last weekend with some nursing friends and one of my teachers. They were asking me about my book and how things are going. We started to discuss the title and my teacher turns to me and said she doesn't believe the title does the book content any justice. LOL...So i'm trying to think of something new, maybe it will come to me while reading through these notes.
Either way, it will come to me...OR i'll keep my "Embrace Still"

How to relate to your teen daughter while loving her to pieces

So i've gotten two emails regarding my blog on a mother's uncontidional love for her daughter. Whenever i check into my blog i can't help but notice the amout of people who are directed to this post when they google a "mother's love". I'm flattered and excited to see so many people respond to just one post. I've decided to do another type of blog regarding this topic and hopefully it gets just as much traffic as the other one has.
I've been doing alot of thinking lately about the do's and don't around raising a teen girl. When going into this time of teenage years i honestly thought i had it all figured out. To be honest the ONLY thing i was ever sure about was the love that I have for her. I have to remind myself of that all the time, while biting my lip as i sit back and watch her make choices that she thinks are the best ones for her.
Raising Braden had kinda always been pretty  black and white. IT HAS NOT been easy, let me tell you...he has been a pleasure and a terror all in one breath. I have made mistakes with my children but I will have to admit..we've done something right because for a young man who has as many obstacles as my son does, nothing holds him back from achieving his dreams.
I don't remember having the same issues with Braden as i do with Kailey. I shouldn't really call them issues as she is a good kid. We don't have any problems with her either, she has great grades, she isn't in any trouble...i think the most difficult part of parenting her is how different we are as girls.
Kailey and I are not much alike in personality, and the day your daughter is born we have dreams about he relationship we will have together as your daughter grows.
Don't get me wrong..Kailey and I have a wonderful relationship and we've shared many many good times, laughs, weekends, trips and mother-daughter dates together. We have friends who we get together with in groups and can share in laughs, jokes and good times but lately...i'm becoming to realize she's growing into her own young woman.
Kailey is a true to the bone realist, and she calls out anyone and anything that just isn't black and white. By that I mean, there's a right and a wrong, the only way to get what you want is to work for it...don't sit back and dream about it. She's definatley NOT someone who sits around relating her life to movies or books, and she doesn't understand those who do. It kinda worries me...i'm not going to lie. I think every girl should have hopes and dreams and romantic aspects about finding the man of her dreams, or thoughts of her wedding day, the beauty in dating or even just an image of the perfect guy. I certainly had my moments in teenage years when i fanatsized about finding the love of my life, how many children would i have, where would i live...etc etc.
I guess a part of me envies that quality in Kailey as well and i wonder if its her way of not "setting herself up" for disappointment? I mean, really...i was all about the romance, how wonderful my life was with my husband and new baby boy...and BOOM, it all changed in a matter of seconds. ALL my fantasicies, hopes and dreams were shattered in a second. Maybe Kailey's just smarter than I, maybe she see's the reality of life and how dangerous it is to have unrealistic hopes and dreams? With all that said...it makes me sad that she doesn't.
I am learning to respect and appreciate who Kailey is, i did marry a man identical to this so i'm NOT new to this personality type..lol..maybe its just the realization that my relationship with Kailey will be based on something other than what I had hoped for. Realizing that I'm not going to change this, i will learn to adapt. We don't have those talks about boys, makeup, fashion or friends that I had always hoped to have with my daughter. Many of you know she's not much of a communticator, she just doesn't like to open up about those things. I have been terrible with respecting her privacy and i know that i have drove her crazy with questions about school, boys and drama. OR i'll hear something from someone else regarding her friends, and i'll ask her why didn't you tell me? Her response is usually.."Mom, i just don't care..they are not important enough to me to even think to tell you!"...i mean seriously...what 15 year old is bright enough to respond with that?? LOL..she puts me in check sometimes. I guess i should be happy about that...i did want to raise my children to not let others make a negative effect on their choices, moods and behaviours. I did raise them to worry about themselves and not let others bog them down. I have always only had a couple close friends in my life, and i would do anything for them...but always remember your own health and happiness comes first.
While doing research for this blog topic I came across this article and it states fairly clearly the relationship between mother and teenage daughter is strained usually do to these reasons.
Battles normally occur when a mom and daughter come home at the end of the day. Mom tries to assert her control and daughter tries to maintain her free, out-of-sight independence. Mom asks questions, perhaps too many questions. Daughter reacts in that singular-minded way adolescent girls do. She feels like she is suspected of doing something wrong and doesn't stop to think logically that her mom may simply be interested in her life. Tensions arise on both sides and an erupting battlefield is inevitable. This is exactly the problem in our home!
Feel free to further investigate with the website below.
Read more on FamilyEducation: http://life.familyeducation.com/girls/mothers/54215.html#ixzz1viFOvPPm

I guess my daughter just hasn't realized that I am interested in her life. I'm not looking for all the answer's. Unfortunately most days she gets her back up and thinks i'm being nosey or controlling. I don't know, but either way i'm working on that and have decided to take a back seat for a bit.
We have had alot of conversations lately around boys and dating..unfortunately Kailey and I don't see eye to eye with that topic..lol, there's been a few heated discussions and it frustratates the hell out of me. I am kinda old fashioned when it comes to dating and boys. I believe that a boy should ask a girl out on a few dates, its okay to kiss and make out...but i'm a firm believer in exclusive dating!! I know Kailey believe's that too..but she argues how today's youth will go to parties and pretty much make out with anyone who is available...EVEN if they don't like one another!!!!! THAT blow's my mind! Whenever the topic arises at home, it always turns to an argument. I don't know how to get my daughter to see how inappropriate that is...how ridiculous it is and how wrong it is. Where's the respect for one another? AND do you really want to go out with a guy who has previously "made out" with one of your friends at a party? I mean seriously...how gross? She claims, its not a big deal to people...its just what they do! It scares me to death...and all i can do is remind her that someday she will be in a committed relationship and if she makes mistakes today..she'll pay for them later.
Thankfully right now i'm not dealing with the drama of a boyfriend, and luckily she is more concerned with her grades in school. That i am thrilled about...i guess i shouldn't be complaining. I just remind her EVERY time i drop her off at a party to respect herself and don't do anything she'll regret the next day. Kailey does tell me how some of her friends mom's have talked about sex and that they don't care if they do it..just be sure use protection. I am all for that and agree completely but i still think in MOST cases they are way to young at 15 years old. If i can try to get her to hold off even for 2 more years..i'll be happy. Why rush into that?? I will try to not be unrealistic with her and when the time comes but for know, i use my own story as an example. I have NO regrets, I have no scary stories regarding sex with guys in highschool and I didn't make mistakes that could have changed a part of who I am. THAT's all i ask of her too, don't do something unless its with someone who you know will have ALWAYS been a special person in your life. *Big sigh inserted here* Its exhausting isn't it?! Let's NOT even get into the double standard aspect of having a teenage son either...
Bottom line...its different for them, well for most of them!
As we transition into these middle teenage years there are going to be many ups and downs. I will say that most of the changing has to come from me. I have learned to not have expectations on what i had hoped my relationship with Kailey should be. We do have a wonderful relationship, and at 15 years old it has changed, we don't have the same opinion on many things and that's ok. I do respect her, i trust her and I value who she is, she is AMAZING!! I have to let her be who she is, I will always be available to her waiting and willing to lend a hand or an ear to listen. Somedays its difficult to not jump in and get involved and spew all my answer's and corrections onto her. I do wish she'd open up more, that part is challenging but given some space maybe she'll come to realize that it helps to talk and then again maybe she won't?! I just have to remember that its ok if she doesn't.
Hopefully when she's all grown and a mom of her own that's when she'll open up, that's when she'll need me and want my advice and opinion's. She's a good kid, i am blessed that she has been easy in many other ways. Everyone has their battles through these years..i'm certainly not excempt from them.
If you are battling your way through raising a teen daughter just remember that they are trying to find their own way and learn through their own mistakes. We can't control them forever...all we can do is hope we've given them the tools and knowledge they need to make the right choices. Of course they'll make some bad ones too...but, lets hope we've taught them to learn from them. Don't judge them or dismiss them or even make them feel like its not important. To you it may not be, but to them its everything. We have to remember how we felt back in our teen years.
I may not have the relationship that I thought i'd have with Kailey on the day she was born...but, i know one thing is for sure...i'm more proud of her than I ever thought i could possibly be. I love the person she is becoming..despite the differences of opinions!! *Wink*

I'm Back...look at this day 2!!

Hey friends..i've made it back for another day. MAN there is soooo much going on in my life right know. I can't even begin to express the things happening. Happily i will announce(maybe prematurely) that Braden has been accepted into a Media Fundamental Program at Sheriden College starting in Sept. SOOOO EXCITING! The acceptance is pending on his completion of Grade 12, which he feels won't be any problem. He is currently finishing two online courses inorder to graduate. Like i mentioned before he decided to leave the highschool atmoshpere and do some courses on line, honestly it was the best decision we've ever made. So we have an orientation on May 28th, with Special services at Sheriden. This is to see the available services they have inorder to accomadate Braden and to be sure his needs are met. Naturally with all this stuff happening, i have gone into panic mode realizing all the wonderful changes that will occur. Everything is do-able, i'm not concerned for Braden's well being i'm just not great with change. I like order and control, things that i have to learn to let go of. Braden is more than capable to take charge and get stuff done. He is the one who has called Sheriden and arranged this meeting, he applied on his own and he wants to do this on his own. We are proud of him, I just keep telling myself that it will be fine. We will know more on the 28th of May, I will keep you informed.
I am trying a new recipe tonight, its just for cheese buns. They look delicious..i will share the recipe tomorrow! Well I hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend, the weather is suppose to be amazing. I'm looking forward to enjoying my pool and hot tub, chilling with the family and getting some stuff done around the house!
Untill tomorrow friends, have a wonderful day!

It's been awile...

Sorry my friends its been so long. I have lost my desire to blog! I'm frustrated with myself for not putting an effort into this but since Braden's hospitalization i haven't been in the mood to share. Plus, life is busy...even though I am at home, we are busy. At least 3 days a week we are not even home and then the other two days i'm cleaning, laundry, cooking..etc etc AND i do try to get some me time which lately had consisted of "Fifty Shades of Grey time". I finished the trilogy and would definately recommend this series to every single lady out there. I know some of you are thinking its just porn, but you have to look past that and look at the meaning behind the sex. I do believe in most situations..maybe not all that women like to be dominated in the bedroom. NOT in a way that makes them feel unsafe or unloved, but in a way that allows us to forget about the other things going on in our lives, allowing us time to be taken away from all lives demands.
I mean, we women take care of so many things in our lives..from the moment we get out of bed we have so many things on our "to do" lists. We juggle kids, meals, work, friends, marriage and many other things..that at the end of the day, wouldn't it be nice to sit back and have someone else be in charge? Ok, maybe NOT all the time...but in most situations its nice to just enjoy the ride and not be in control. I don't know, i'm sure many of you have different opinions?! All i have to say is this book gives women permission to be submissive, and to not think of it as if you are loosing control because really its about the man pleasing you!
Well, i should go...i'm off to Hamilton with Braden, he has therapy. I hope to post tomorrow again so we can get back on track. Won't promise anything, but my goal is to get back on track!

Out.