You do NOT have to make others happy~ Sharing secrets from my own life struggles

Every so often I come across posts like this one, and I think to myself this is some thing that is important to me.

I have met one too many parents who suffer directly from caregiver burnout, or even just parenting. When I was young and in the midst of raising my family, living daily with the struggles of parenting a special needs child. I did not, take enough time for myself. So what I want to say to all you mom and dads out there who are reading my blog and raising a family, with our without a special needs child...please give yourself permission to take more time for you!

One thing I did do however was I joined a gym and I did take care of myself physically. Both Paul and I were very active and fit. It was the best way we could connect at times, and honestly it was the best coping technique for the daily struggles that came with constant fighting for the rights of your child.

 

 

Sadly for parents who are bogged down with making sure your child gets all they need in school, making sure medical needs are met, therapy needs are adequate and social situations are being initiated outside of school. SO many wants and needs, I never rested. EVER!

Seriously, when the kids went to bed out came the note pads, and ideas. Constantly brain storming, trying to stay 10 steps ahead of the school board, doctor's, therapists and friends. I was always prepared, but living hopelessly tired.

Not only was it a challenging staying ontop of everything going on in my special needs childs life, I also made it my life's goal to make everyone else happy.

That is something that has come to the for  front right now in my life, its something that I am seeking help for. I feel I have lived 20 years constantly trying to make others happy, secretly blaming myself for any un-pleasantries they may have in their lives.

There it is, I said it!

 

Finally admitting it out loud. I have lived with guilt for all these years just trying to make others happy because I felt I may have taken something from their lives. I have felt responsible for my husbands happiness, children, parents, brother, family and even friends. For ever meeting their needs and only burning myself out along the way. I suppose this feeling comes from the effects of my accident, and how I blame myself for the pain and suffering those around me have experienced.

I will come back to this topic eventually, its something that is very personal and I truly want to blog about it in hopes to help any one who may too live with guilt. I will also explain in detail what I mean by this statement.

I am slowly realizing the mistakes I have made, and I am making some significant changes in my life. 

I can not express enough, how tired I am in life. My psychologist commented recently how exhausting it must be too have carried Mount Everest on my shoulders for 20 years. This was when I cried. Finally someone who will validate my feelings.

I really do want to open up about this, I so appreciate those of you who have reached out too me. I love to get your emails, and I want to thank you for those who have shared in your own lives.

Thank you to the small handful of friends and family who read and support my blog, leaving comments and sharing it on facebook.

Thank you for taking the time for me, this blog is incredibly helpful to me. It is a pure source of therapy, and to actually know I have readers who engaging with me make me want to continue.

Much love to each of you, please keep sending me those emails. I love reading about your struggles and your triumphs.

 

So what I want to leave everyone who is reading this, is this "It is NOT your job to make others happy" take it from me. You will only burn yourself out, and find yourself alone in the battle at the end of the day.

Keep a small circle of non- judgemental, very easy going and non- expectation'ish group of people.

Most importantly take care of yourself. I did a great job of taking care of my physical needs which honestly did keep my mental health positive. I firmly stand behind the belief that exercise is the best form of therapy ALWAYS. I also believe that is why I remained so upbeat, positive and active over the past lets say 15 years.

But with all that energy came excessive expectations placed on myself. That's all changing however, and I am sure there is going to be a few of you not too happy about that.

Saying NO is becoming a very easy thing for me....now I need to learn to say no without guilt.

 My dear friends, please take the time to replenish, do not wear yourself out. At the end of the day its ok to sit on the couch, eat your favorite snack foods and watch shitty ass reality TV.

Its ok to not fight every battle, and its really ok to let someone else take the battle for you.

Pass the sword friend, its ok!

Well my lovelies, speaking of burning out this ol'gal is kinda tired. So until tomorrow good night and god bless~

 

100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter..#84 You are no less a woman when you're in sweat pants....

#84 You are no less a woman when you're in sweat pants and hoody than a woman in stilettos and a leather skirt.

Although I believe you must learn to wear some sexy stiletto's, on a really important night  a gorgeous pair can make you feel amazing.

With that said my darling, wearing a comfy pair of Roots track pants, over sized hoody and a pair of Tom's should never make you feel any less a woman. Be confident enough to walk proud throughout town sporting a comfy cozy outfit and not be embarrassed to be seen.

You are beautiful, you are stunning in all the things you wear.

Remember this when you do find yourself standing beside the stiletto wearing, sexy lady in a 7/11 buying a package of cigarettes while paying for her gas. She is having her moment, let her have it. This is her time to shine, her time to feel sexy. Empower her, lift her up for she may be hiding the most insecure thoughts going on in her own mind at that moment. Find the ability in  yourself to compliment her, as hard as it may be in that time, think of her...even though you may be in your gym clothes or track pants and sweat shirt. Tell her you love her shoes...make her feel confident, and I promise my baby girl you will come away feeling so much better about yourself. This is a gift to not only give to her, but it will make you feel even taller than she is standing beside you sporting those heels.

and smile~

Always smile, it lets her know you've got her back. We need to encourage one another as woman, not discourage eachother.

Most importantly K always remember it doesn't matter what you wear, as long as you feel confident and comfortable with who you are...no shoes can change that.

I mean seriously fox, when you look like this beauty...you can wear anything and feel smashing~

Happiest girls are the prettiest~
Audrey Hepburn

Well my lovelies, until tomorrow good night and god bless! xo

When fear imprintes itself into your body, mind and soul~

 

 

Good evening Friends, I kinda want to touch on a topic that I have been suffering with for a VERY long time.

 





I live a life where I fear something bad is going to happen ALL of the time. It truly is a life sentence, something that I do to myself. I have recently reached out for some help with this, along with a few other "PTSD" related issues. I am so glad I did~

You see, when living with Post Traumatic Stress its something that creeps into your life occasionally. But when it does, it sure knows how to turn your life upside down and make itself known.

 I am continuing to work on this feeling that something Is going to go wrong. It's a real fear, and it can be paralyzing. I have a constant worry about all of family and friends, and I live in terror that I will get a phone call that someone has been injured or possibly ill.

It has been a long time since I have had to seek any sort of professional help regarding my PTSD, but I am so happy I did. I miss my old self, I miss my confidence and my ability to talk myself out of certain fears and triggers. I might take you on this journey with me, I might share my experiences with you. I haven't decided, but I wanted to leave you with this...

I am currently reminding myself, that feeling fear is a choice. I cannot let it get the best of me. Although I worry constantly about my children and husband, lets remind myself to look at the things I did right.

I gave my children the chance to grow, advance and reach milestones in their own lives. I did not hinder them out of fear of losing them. I may have a real fear of the safety of my daughter daily when she isn't with me, but I am thankful I still allowed her to leave. That takes a strong person, and I am proud of that.

 

You see, you cannot walk out your front door one day smiling at the scent of spring closing in.

 The warmth you feel as the sun beats down through your windshield making you feel a sense of security.

It was a happy moment, it was a typical day in my life.

Without warning, it all changed. My whole life was shattered, in a matter of seconds. SO you see when you live through that, and you survive...it imprints in your biology, it changes a part of you.

It doesn't ever leave, but It also doesn't have to define you.

But you have to learn to live with it, and living with it takes knowledge. You need tools, and I am going to fill my tool box once again.

I am looking forward to it, I miss myself.

To my children, I WILL not give up and I promise you both...this is only a moment in my life. I have been here before and I will be here again.

I will teach you both through this, that being vulnerable is ok. It doesn't make someone weak, and I will show you the tools you will need someday when life "alter's" your own path.

I will be fine. I always am. 

All I need from you both is two listening ears and patience.

I love you both~

To my friends and readers, good night and god bless~



 

 

 

 

 

Odd's and Sod's...Random stuff around the house~

Can you see him? He is upstairs hiding a bone on Ella. When they were both puppies, I was terrified of this exact spot in our house. You can't really see in this picture but if he were to fall or by chance jump, they would fall ALL the way to the bottom of the basement stairs. Its quite a drop...thankfully they both are aware of the height and neither have ever showed any sign of wanting to take a leap.

Here are a few pictures from Halloween. Both my girls were Olaf from Frozen, and Ollie was Frankenstein. Boy did I try to get these three too pose for a picture. Not one turned out the way I had hoped...but that doesn't mean I don't absolutely love them!!

 

Oliver on his own, he hates dressing up. He doesn't move at all, lol

and Ella can't stop moving, so its nearly impossible to get a photo of her. I did it though, not too bad. She was adorable in her costume!!

I put some lights up around my picture shelves. I found these pretty star lights at Ikea, they are different and so pretty. I just love the reflection they give off when the lights are down. Starry night on my walls. You can see I have been putting up some of our paintings, showcasing different ones depending on the time of year. The one that I have up there, is one that Kailey did. Its so beautiful, its my favorite. She laughed when I showed her, she thinks the yellow "shadow" light on the ground. Its the reflection of the lamp light post. I told her its perfect, it looks like the Narnia post. She did a gorgeous job, mommy loves it!

So I finally got some pictures of my babies in their new coats from Elanor Jackets. Look at him....he is so cute! I was worried at first because I didn't think he was going to walk in this new coat. Every time I put it on him he would sit down and refuse to move. I don't think he likes it much, but I LOVE It. He did eventually walk with me, but it took some coaxing.

There they are, look at them. How precious!!

This was after his grooming day, they both sleep so much after their haircuts. He just chills, loves to get a belly rub.

Well my lovelies, its a simple post. I just found these photo's on my phone and figured I'd share them.

I hope you are all doing well~

Until tomorrow my friends, good night and god bless~

100 Things I Want to teach my Daughter~#85 A little weed is ok, never smoke cigarettes or do anything chemical~

100 Things I Want To Teach My Daughter  #85 A little weed is ok, but never smoke cigarettes or do anything chemical.

Ok so this isn't something that I would necessarily ever admit too you before the age of 19. BUT in reality, smoking a bit of weed on occasion I know will not kill you. If you find its something you want too do, and I stress OCCASSIONALLY then my darling, you go ahead. BUT promise me one thing!!!!

 You will NEVER smoke cigarette's.
I would be absolutely devastated if you started to smoke. My heart would be broken, its a nasty, gross and very unattractive habit. It would not gel well in our family life, and I know you know that.

Just say NO to drugs.

Period. It's simple.

Drugs will ruin your life, and change everything. You know that, but if you find yourself ever being tempted please hear your mommy's voice screaming at you too walk away.
Instead, come home to me. I will draw you a bath, bake your favorite red velvet cupcakes and we will watch chick flicks for the whole night. I will dedicate my whole evening/night too you.
I promise to have a glass of wine, and ketchup chips readily available.
Don't do drugs. EVER.

If you are having a hard time coping with something in your life, read a good book, go to the gym.  Pick a hobby that can help you unwind. Come home too me...lol...we will online shop.

On a side note, a good run is much better and more effective for relieving stress than any amount of weed. SO I am not condoning it, but I am being realistic. ;)

In all honesty,  I know you are not tempted by those things. But as you get older and come across new people, new friends, new social circles ...always be aware of their hobbies and interests. Pay attention to their vises. If by chance, they desire the need to use chemical drugs...keep them at arm's length. If they can respect your choices, then you can respect theirs...from afar.
I love you fox.
We are so proud of you~

Ooooops.....Happy birthday but Merry Christmas Bro!

Hello my lovelies...again I am behind on Blogging. But this year we celebrated Braden's 22nd birthday. It was a quiet celebration, family only. We got him tickets too see a 21 Pilots concert in London. He is pretty happy about that, so is Kailey as we got her a ticket too.

Speaking of Kailey, you all know how very proud we are of her. She made it too University, great program, worked hard to get there...hopes to further her education and get her PhD in some sort of medicine. So basically she's a smart, hardworking young lady. SO proud~

So she decides to get her brother a birthday present, all on her own. Drives to the mall...picks out a card, gets him a gift certificate. Prepares the whole thing on her own, very pleased with herself.

Easy right? Pick up a birthday card, sign it and give it too her brother. Nothing hard with that....simple, she can handle it for Christ sakes...she is in University. Smart girl...

Except....she can't handle it.....

Lol...she accidently picked him up a Christmas Card.

Our family has this thing with adjusting and altering cards to personalize them. I think it started because I preferred homemade cards from the kids as they grew up. So they got into the habit of writing their own words and phrases in the existing card.
As you can see in the above picture, she so eloquently crosses out the "Christmas" and supplements it with "your birthday". My children also like to draw their own pictures on the cards, as you can see she draws some birthday balloon's on the TV up top left hand side. Thankfully she goes on too explain they are not sperm.
She also very intelligently X-outs the word "Bro" referring to her brother and ever so sisterly replaces it with "f*g"....cause that's how they roll! Proud you may ask? Absolutely!!

Again, she realizes the card is for Christmas so she crosses that out cause its clearly October 27th...not even close to Christmas. Then she proceeds to explain her mistake just like any clever, "in-training" scientist would do. Cause she's smart like that~

Thankfully she expresses her love, I must say that's my favorite part of the card. She sign's it with a Love You, Kailey...however she doesn't like to be called Kailey so she slides in the old---->Kail.

Up close...you can see she "accidently" spells Birthday wrong. I suppose its cause she's too busy solving molecular chemical reactions. I don't know..but obviously she's over looked a few things. Maybe its all the coffee she's recently become addicted too?...again...I don't know~

She sorta has a new fascination with becoming a dog...that's fun! Not sure what too think of that, I have to admit since going off to school she is becoming a completely different person...

Needless to say our reaction to her card was at first concern, cause like I said being in Science she should be use to paying attention to detail. Next came confusion...cause she wants too be a dog*

Lastly we were in denial, we had all sorts of explanations for her erratic behaviour. There were many excuses thrown around the table. Ultimately we came to the conclusion that she's really excited for the holiday season, she wants a dog and she loves her brother.

Poor girl...

We love her...we really do. But how do you buy a Christmas card, read it...and then give it as a Birthday card. She meant well...

We do love her, she makes us laugh! It has become quite the tradition these cards in our family. They use to work on them together and have Paul and I dying with laughter as they maliciously animated the once beautiful card. They are getting really good at it...making these cards more personal and less Hallmark'ish.

Well my friends, I hope you are all well. Until tomorrow good night and god bless~

Remembrance Day At National Steelcar

Every year National Steelcar's owner has a Remembrance Day service. It is something they take very seriously. The company had lost 84 men and woman during WW1 and WW2, and he makes it a priority to remember them. 

 Captain Jordan Spoelstra from the Royal Hamilton Light Infantry. He laid this wreath at the cenotaph, and this year Paul was asked to lay the wreath from his Engineering dept.

The Wreath below was the one Paul laid, in honor of all those lost in war. Fighting for our rights and freedom. Paul was very happy to have had this very significant role.

Here is the program, Steelcar certainly puts on a service. Well done, what a wonderful Canadian company who respects and cherishes the fallen soldiers that once help build this company. I admire the owner's dedication to Canadian history. The page on the left shows a poem written by a girl of 10 years old. Her name is Erika Ehrenberg from Ancaster, Ontario. Beautiful poem so eloquently written by such a young girl.

 

Nathan Cirillo was the young man and soldier who was shot and killed outside of Parliament in Ottawa last year. One of the saddest, tragic events in Canadian history. What a lovely tribute to a Canadian hero.

The names of each soldier killed in the wars, each one of them worked at National Steelcar. Again, I think it is amazing how this company sheds light and remembers the workers they lost.

Order of ceremony shown below, you can see hubbys name half way down the right hand side page. NSC Product Engineering team~

Well my lovelies, tonight I hope you  have given thoughts and prayers for all those who served, died and fought in the wars that eventually gave us our freedom. Wishing each one of you love, peace and happiness tonight and for always~ xo

Halloween 2015~ Martz's Annual Halloween Party #CarnEVIL

Hello my friends, I am very late with the next few posts. Actually going all the way back to Halloween. Paul and I have always loved Halloween, before we started our Annual Halloween Party we always made plans to attend some sort of function on Halloween. There was a few quiet years when the kids were little that we boycotted Halloween mostly because we were so busy with the kids and all their plans.

I missed our Halloween events, and about 3 years ago decided to start up our own Halloween party. Initially we had them at the cottage, but then we wanted to invite more people. SO having it in our home seemed much more doable as we could house more people.

Each year we set a theme, and ask our guests to dress according to the theme. Last year was a Zombie theme and this year was a CarnEVIL/ Freakshow. So we had most of our friends show up in some of the most amazing costumes I have seen yet. The amount of work they put into their costumes amazes me! For the past 3 years I find myself looking forward to what each of them come up with.

Everyone does such a great job, I on the other hand do not focus on my own costume. I am never really happy with my own costume but the amount of work I put into my home, is where my happiness lies.

Paul and I start decorating about a week before the party, and I start finding my ideas usually during the summer before that Halloween. Except Halloween 2016, I already have the "theme" and some decorating ideas stored away.

I did have a couple people who spoke up and were concerned about the costume/theme idea. I suppose dressing up isn't everyone's favorite thing to do. I explained to those who were not comfortable with it, that I would much rather them show up with no costume then to not come at all. Although I love Halloween and I love to see the costumes, its far more important that you come by and enjoy yourself than it is too show up dressed up.

Thankfully...we had an amazing turn out. I was beside myself excited with everyone who came out. It was truly so nice to see everyone, and I am already looking forward to next year~

 

This was our circus tent, we had the food under here. This was my favorite part of decorating. Paul and I had so much fun working together and coming up with this idea.

 

This is Esmerelda, our Fortune Teller. Paul and I made her together, and we had a lot of fun with that as well. I am going to blog our progress while making her. That will follow soon, in the next few days~

Creepy CarnEVIL...our entrance.

Our friend Steve made this for our food table. He did a great job, so impressed~

It was so nice to finally meet Teus (Old work friend of Paul's) new girlfriend. She is the pretty lady in the yellow on the left. Nadine is Mike's girlfriend, it was wonderful to have them again this year. Always a pleasure, we enjoy their company very much!

SO we had this huge pumpkin, and I hallowed it out earlier in the week and we wanted to turn it into a cooler for beer. IT kinda worked out. We underestimated the size and didn't seem to have enough beer to fill it. We have a better idea for next year...looking forward to trying that idea.

This guy hung in my kitchen for almost a week, eventually it got really creepy. I swear at one point he looked like he was watching me each morning. lol I was so happy when we took him down.

Food table pictures...

We also ordered pizza that evening. I just found it easier to have some hot food delivered, so I had lots of circus food available but it was nice to have the pizza too~

This is another creepy clown that hung around my house for about a week. I hated him up there....

Popcorn...it was good stuff~

 

Some of the party goers...looking great!

My friend Colleen on the right, had no idea what too be for this party. I told her to think what you will find at a carnival. She came up with this great idea, she was a cotton candy/popcorn distributer lady. You know..the ones who walk around selling treats. She looked amazing, great job!!
Sue and her husband Jeff showed up in the creepiest of creepy Halloween costumes. Their makeup was so good....this is why I love to have Halloween parties. Its all about being together and enjoying ourselves. To be honest however, the costumes people work on and come up with bring me a sense of happiness....I love it!!

Although I say that in my last picture, I have to also say...it meant more to me than anyone will know when a highschool friend of mine, who happens to not enjoy dressing up...showed up to my party. I was so happy to see her...and over the moon excited that she showed up even in a costume. Thank you Tina for coming and also for the pretty cool wine you brought...she had even brought Candy Apple flavor red wine, and guess what? It was so good!!

Here is hubby before the guests arrived. He looked great in his costume...I loved it~

Here again are some of the creepy guests...looking so good~

Mike and Nadine, enjoying a drink~

So Kailey was home this weekend, she did have plans with her friends that night to go out to dinner as everyone was home from Univeristy. I wasn't sure if they would come by the party, but they did come and I was thrilled. It is so nice to be at this stage of life where you can enjoy your adult children and their friends. They are a good group of girls, no one was over the top drunk, there was no bad behaviour...they were very enjoyable. I liked having them and I will be sure to invite them again next year~

My mom and dad stopped in for a quick visit, here is mom talking with Michelle. It was so nice to see Michelle and her boyfriend drop in for a quick visit as well. Michelle had graduated with her Bachelor's of Social Work this same night. So she had been out with family that evening celebrating her achievements. Congratulations Michelle, I am so very proud of you~ and thank you again for stopping in with Marc and having a moment with me xo

Friends in the living room, you can see Candy there in the purple. She was Cotton Candy...purple Cotton Candy. Get it? lol It was a great costume and I so appreciate that she showed up and enjoyed the night as well.

My dancing Clown....lol

Quick selfie before the guests...

 

Sue and Jeff...again the creepy clowns...

Linda and Glen came by, again it was so nice to see these two. I was thrilled to see them come in. We don't see them as much, our lives have seemed to have taken different paths. They have a young child and Paul and I are becoming empty nesters...we will always be there for them. We will just take advantage of the times we share.

Braden was the joker..Jared Leto Joker..he did a great job with is costume as well. This night he had a rap battle to attend. The other guy didn't show up so it was a quick night for him, and then he was home and partying with his family and friends. Dylan and Cara came by too....we enjoy them as well. Again great kids...we are blessed to have the relationship we do with them~

Could this be any creepier?

Nicki and Mark..they have attended each Halloween party as well. Its great too see them, and we are happy they make it each year and entertain my themed parties.

Once again Colleen and Semone out did themselves with their costumes. Both of them looked fantastic. Colleen really went out of her comfort zone this year, she looked so good!

One of the few photo's you will see of me....

Lynn and Nadine at the island, I was happy Lynn came. She is not one who enjoys Halloween. So it meant a lot that she came and dressed as a fortune teller/gypsy.

Well my lovelies, this is pretty much it. I could go on and on about this party and all the wonderful things it brought. I will finish up by saying I sure felt special this night. The turn out was fantastic, and it really showed how much our friends mean to us. Thank you to each one of you who did come out and participate. Paul and I feel very blessed!