Things seem to be settling down but why....

am I feeling so stressed out?? Honestly...not sure why I feel so crazy busy and overwhelmed. I think the reason why I loved working (outside of the home) so much was because all the little insignificant details of running a house hold just didn't seem to frazzle me!!
I was at MacMaster Hospital for an appointment with Braden, today was my turn as Paul was there yesterday for a repeat MRI. Anyways while I was there today I went for a walk in the hallway and found myself walking behind a nurse who was wearing the hospital scrubs. You know that was one of my most favorite things about working in the hospital. Their scrubs were oh so amazingly comfortable, I found myself for the first time in a long long time....missing my job!
When I quit my job, I knew it was the right thing to do...I could not keep up with all things changing in our home and still stay focused enough to work in all the departments they were sending me too. The stress of the job alone was killing me, but then I would come home to all the things that were changing as our kids were growing up. Unfortunatly that just seems to be my personality...I was struggling to much between work and home, for many many reasons. So, it was a sad relief when I finally gave my notice...i kinda felt like all that hard work in school and I only was employed for almost a year. I know that I will go back to it, there will be another good time for me in life to return to nursing. Eventually when B is settled, and his situation is sorted out...maybe then I will be able to get up in the morning and actually make my own breakfast, my own cup of tea, have my own shower and start my own car to go to my own job. I have NEVER had that luxury in life to be able to get up in the morning and only worry about me! I am actually looking forward to that day, I know that there are many many mothers and fathers who have to get up everyday and get their kids dressed, fed and out the door...my point I suppose is that eventually those kids start doing those things themselves. I'm not complaining..i wouldn't change a thing, I have been fortunate enough to have HAD the priviledge to be home for my children...although it was not really what I had wanted back before my accident.
My new desire...and I will add we are creeping towards this possibility is to be able to get up straigt out of bed and hop on my treadmill and run first thing in the morning. I have admired those people for years who can get up and go out to run first thing in the morning without having to look back because their kids are getting themselves up and ready on thier own. Thankfully with new nursing staff...I have managed to train one of them so far to do morning care and things are going well enough that probable within a month, I will be hoping on my treadmill at 7am and then hopping into the shower without needing to do anything for anyone! Thats right, a whole new world for me!! I can't wait! I know Braden is excited too for his own independance...we are just warming him up for moving out into his own place, when he is ready of course.
Speaking of that we had a meeting yesterday..ya after the morning MRI we hand a meeting with our rehab consultant and we discussed some pretty exciting things! First off we talked about Braden starting at a facility in Ottawa for rehab. He will be there for 3 months...with me of course and Ollie! We will live there for 3 months while he does extensive therapy. Of course we will come home on weekends, I am not sure what we will do yet with Kailey?? I'm not sure I want to leave her behind...but she has her life here too, sooo we will see what we do?
The other thing we talked about...and let me mention that each time we talk about this topic...I accept it better and better.
We discussed Braden leaving and going to college and the living arrangements complete with attendant care options. Most of you know how much I worry and stress about this next chapter...well I am totally feeling better about it! I am learning to trust Bradens capabilities with his self- directed care, that has happened through this experience with the nurses. He is more than capable of taking care of himself, he is smart, articulate and strong..not only physically but verbally. That boy has a way about him that MAKES people listen! He is so talented with speaking to people, I chuckle because wherever he goes and whoever he charms..every women falls for him!! Lab techs, CCAC managers, X-ray techs, MRI techs, Echocardiogram technologists...all of them love to talk with him. Today by the end of his Echo he had the tech pulling out pictures of her kids from her wallet...she loved him!! He totally Schmoozed her! Well done Braden!! These are the situations that its going to take for me to realize that he is growing up and ready to take over his own life!
I will say with discretion that Braden is experiencing some pretty "normal" teenage issues and I think its having a profound effect on his development both socially and mentally. Maybe thats part of my reason's for feeling better about him growing up...I can see him living as a man, married with children. Not that I want it to happen too quickly but at least I can see it happening, maybe 5 years ago I didn't see it being that easy. There are so many things that I want to share, but unfortunately until Braden has grown up and no longer is effected by the things I write about..I will have to wait to share those stories.
Speaking of writing...the book is still up there on my things to do. I think of it daily and I do write down things as I think of them. The writing class I took was good. I met some interesting people and made some contacts. Mostly I came to the realization that writing a book is going to be incrediably difficult. At times I felt discouraged, but I'm not going to give up! Its certainly something that I believe in and I know for a fact there are mothers and fathers out there searching for a book that can help them through a difficult time of accepting and adapting to a new lifestyle! Whether that be with a sick child or a child born with special needs...even the loss of a child my book will have thoughts and feelings on that. I hope everyone is trying to look at spring through clear eyes and not focus so much on the rain...its been frustrating but it won't last forever! Power on Sunshine!!

Everyone deserves a holiday...

What is it about holidays that make you so excited? For me, it's the idea of getting away from the daily routine of life. When the kids were little I loved the school year, weekends we kept busy with activities and lots of family time it was so wonderful back then. In todays world, fast forward 10 years and I find the school year simply "a big pain in my ass". Seriously, it's just so darn busy. On top of it being busy with appointments, activities, social lives of een's..etc, you still have to micro manage the kids..and at time's their friends. I never would have envisioned our lives to be this crazy. So the thing about summer holidays..is we get away from the usual routine of homework, social engagements, sports and for the most part doctor appointments and therapy sessions. I absolutely love not having a bed time during the summer, I love being able to spend a Tuesday night up late because the kids feel like watching a scary movie and not worry about being up in time for school. Don't get me wrong, summer is busy too..just not the usual busy and thats really nice.
Recently Paul and I had the priviledge to go away on a holiday with two great friends. We managed to get away to Cozumel, Mexico with close friends Sue and Jeff.
I wish I could tell you in detail the amount of work it takes for us to prepare inorder to just "pick up" and leave our home. It makes me laugh hysterically just thinking about the things I had to get done the week before we hopped on that plane. The tiny insignificant details that will completely shatter a day for our son if they are not taken care of is overwhelming. Obviously many of them are personal, and due to respecting his privacy I will not devuldge into specific's. The week before we found ourselves buying supplies (right down to pressure sore medication), rearranging appointments, figuring out school hours so the nurse (JIll) would know which days he had to be at school for 8:15 or 9:30, shower schedules, van filled with gas, food allowence, Kailey's schedule for sports sorted out, drives to and from needed, doctor's phoned so they knew we were out of Canada incase of emergency, equipment (lift) pick up orgqanized, hosted a ringette party that week, rules set in stone for teen's, dog routine wrote out, feeding schedule for dogs...the list goes on and on. MY household is not an easy one to run, but we were prepared! I chuckled at my mom because she commented on how busy we are and she didn't even realize that ringette was over the week before, otherwise she would have been out the door 4-5 nights during the 8 days they were here!
WE were however blessed with the most wonderful nurse/friend who has entered our life! Jill was truly a gift...we hired her in September. She and Braden have a most excellent relationship. I will admit that during this whole process of hiring a nurse, I was so nervous. I wasn't completely sure it was what would work for our family. I hated the idea of letting someone else do the care that Braden needed. We have always done the personal care or attendant care. Any nurse that we had prior to Jill over the years was strickly for medical reason's.
I have to say...Jill could not have been a better match for Braden and our family. She is fabulous for Braden and she has made that step into "adulthood" for Braden that much easier. Having Jill has also allowed me to step back and realize that Braden is going to be just fine, I have seen first hand how capable Braden is at self directing his own care. Jill has been very understanding and accommadating to us as a family. Its funny how they say "things happen for a reason" I couldn't believe that any more than I do now. Having Jill literally allowed Paul and I to leave Canada and enjoy a holiday without worry or hesitation! We will always be thankful and appreciative for Jill's commitment to Braden and my parents that week. Without her help and support, our week in paradise would have not been as "carefree" as it was. With heartfelt thanks Jill...we really do recognize what you have done for our family and we feel so blessed~
With all that said, I do need to thank my parents with all our hearts. They have always and continue to be the strongest support we have! My mom was not in charge this time of Braden's care...that was a huge step for all. My mom and dad both have been "hands on" since day one, and I'm sure that letting go of Braden being young probably hit home hard. Both my parents did a smash up job while we were away and I wasn't concerned at all!! Paul and I both had the most relaxing,fun-filled adventurous time with our friends. Its's amazing itsn't it how quickly the tan fade's when your back in our wonderful Canadian climate. I will share with you some of our photo's we took during our holiday!

A picture of our accommadations...they look like huts, but inside they are very nice! Certainly not luxourious in anyway but all your needs are met and the area is quiet and relaxing. Our rooms were also very close to the beach and pool...at first I wasn't sure if I'd like this type of room but within a few hours it didn't matter anymore...I was too chillin' to even care!! The beds were comfortable, I could still make a cup of tea, fridge was stocked daily...well, poor Paul complained 3 days in a row about no beer getting to our room. ON the fourth day they brought him a 6 pack, by then he was too rattled to drink them!! I was happy though, always fresh water and pop left!

We loved this hammock, so relaxing. It was fun to get up every morning and sit outside together with a coffee/tea and listen to hear if Sue and Jeff were up yet! They were just below us!!


I am only going to post a few pictures of us as couples...they all turned out so nice, but i'll pic a couple of the nicest ones!
Hubby and I at the restaurant having dinner


Sue and Jeffy at the dinner table too...we had some many laughs during meals, lots of great conversations went down during those hours, some happy, some silly, some serious but mostly happy ones! A few jokes made about one another...thats too be expected!


We had some downtown fun, this night in particular we did some shopping and had dinner downtown Cozumel. It was absolutely beautiful, there was a parade going on in celebration of a soccar game that Mexico had won against Cuba, it was big noise!! Lots of car horn's, loud music and screaming that night! Paul and Jeff of course found a hot Mayan momma and had to play/fondle it!! Too funny!


We had a couple parrets that just lounged around our hotel. This is Pepe, he was so tame..always waiting in the foyer, loving anyone to sit down and pet his chest! So cute!

Hubby and I again, out for a fancy dinner!


My snorkel set, I was disappointed with myself this time round! I just couldn't get my shit together and focus on snorkelling. I panicked out there in the open water, not sure why? Could have been because it was pretty wavey, my mask also felt too big...i just couldn't do it! Jeff felt the same, he faired a little better than me. He ventured out a little further but then swollowed some water and felt ill...he followedmy lead and came aboard. We just watched the fish around the boat, the boat also had a glass floor so we could still see what the others were. Jeff enjoyed a beer and we patiently waited for our spouces. The day was so beautiful, I was just content to sit on the boat and soak up the sun, smell the sea water and relax.


Beach time, we had lots of sun soaking...some of our best times spent under a palm tree!


Mayan ruins...we rented a jeep for a day and scoped the island. We stopped off at different points and just enjoyed what the island could offer. We found a bar called Bob Marleys, a small little spot were you could purchase a coconut and add a alcohol beverage to it..yum! We also stopped at an crocodilly spot and a beautiful area that had a lighthouse and more ruins. The best spot was a restaurant called Cocconuts...the food was amazing, the drinks were fabulous!! It was a great day...definatley something we will do again!


Paul getting us coconuts with Pina Colada's...so good!! Sue and Jeff also enjoyed one in the heat of the day. Such a laid back kinda day...we need more of them! Sue bought a hat from a nearby vendor, she got a good price, and was happy with her purchase. Jeff decided that his hat needed a string attatched so that while driving it wouldn't blow off his head...well the poor bar staff worked for about 15 minutes trying to attatch this string for Jeff. Jeff pulls out a few dollars, hands it over along with a big smile and some thank you's...not even 5 minutes into our drive, Jeff decides he hates the string and rips it out...*sigh* he thought it "looked" gay?? LOL


We also enjoyed a pirate ship cruise that was filled with entertainment and ALOT of alcohol. Basically it was a booze cruise. The pirates entertained us with a few skits, some which included the observers that were on deck.

CHeck out the picture below with Susan and Pirate Sparky. THey were sharing an intimate moment, he was trying to occupy her while taking her jewlery...you know as pirates do?? He is consumed by Sue here...check out he look they are sharing!!


I will leave you with one last photo, this is hubby and I loving life...it could not have been any better than this. The mood was right, music was awesome the entertainment was hilarious and the company was perfect! There is just to much to share, I only picked a couple pictures...this blog could go on and on but I will cut it short. Overall our week away was remarkable, all went well at home and in Mexico. We hope to get away again soon...bu this time we'll be taking the kids!

Ollie's birthday celebration and Happy Easter...

You might think its crazy to celebrate a dog's birthday...and maybe your right, however our belief is to celebrate life whenever and however you can!! I have raised my children in a home of filled with celebration, any excuse to gather together for a good home cooked meal and homemade birthday cake. Life is too short my friends, laugh ofter, sing happy birthday as much as you can...it can never be sang too often! We go all out and even have birthday presents and candles...its all in good fun. It makes the kids happy and of course the puppies!
This Sunday we decided to celebrate lil'Ollie's birthday..he had a wonderful time! My mom and dad along with their dog Mac also came over to share in the cake and festivities! As long as I have happy kids..no matter their age, we will always find a reason to celebrate! Its important...there are too many things out there in this crazy world always trying to knock you down! Smile often, laugh loudly and dance passionatly!
Ollie's gift bag to Mac
Ollie listening to us sing happy birthday and tasting his cake!

Ollie and Mac sitting patiently for thier piece of cake!

Harley helping Ollie open his presents..

Cozumel...

I will start with a picture of our rooms. At first I was a bit surprised with the accomadations...I love my luxury! It wasn't completly what I had expected but within 5 minutes I was in love with my new home for the week. The outside is rugged, complete with a hammock which was kinda cool. But the inside was very nice, it had central air, ceramic tile walk in shower, clean soft white towels, comfy king size beds and a TV with american channels. It also had a stocked fridge and coffee maker. It was basic but very nice. Really we didn't spend much time in there anyways...it was only for sleeping. Sue and Jeff had the room below us, that made it easy to connect and make plans at the end of the day. Morning coffee's were wonderful, step outside into a jungle right outside our room. We enjoyed the hammock, was a challenge getting in and out of it...but nonetheless it was relaxing! Each morning was spent sitting outside with our tea and coffee, listening to the birds and the ocean which was only steps away...we had a room very close to the water. That was the best feature!
We also had visitor's every mornign, there was revisiting Iguana lizard who stayed close to our hut as well as Peacocks. Below is a picture of our Iguana that stayed with us most of the holiday!


One of the peacocks that roamed around the resort!






Most of you know that Paul and I have been to Cozumel Mexico before, actually a couple times. I think the thing that brings us back so much is the feeling of freedom! Whenever you go somewhere new, you usually wonder about your saftey and whether or not you have the freedom to leave the resort and adventure out into their culture and society. Well my friends...in Cozumel, you not only leave your resort but you mingle with the locals. Actually during this trip we were called "local's" by a local himself.
On certain days of the week the cruise ships dock and all the tourists venture off the boat into the depths of downtown Cozumel. This is where the store owners and sales people, hook, line and sink you! They mark up their merchandise and souveigner's at least by 80%, those who do not have experience will pull out thier crisp American 100.00 dollar bills, or thier freshly raised credit cards and shop away.
Paul and I have known this tactic for years and usually tend to stay away from the downtown during the visits from cruise ships...this year though we didn't. We had an experience where a shop owner asked which ship are we off of as we were looking around. We told him we were not on a ship, we told him where we were staying and he smiles and say's "oh, your locals then" I make you a special price!! HA. I was right, they mark up at least 80% our friend Sue wanted to buy a t-shirt and the price went from 20.00 dollars down to $5.00...unbelievable.
We travelled this time with some great friends, Sue and Jeff. It was our first time getting away with another couple, and we had a blast. We shared many laughs...mostly at the expence of eachother, we all shared a common sunburn, Sue tried a Mojito..which she loved, Paul broke a sandle (story and pics to follow) drunkin adventure on a pirate ship left him bloody, bruised and yelling out to Mexican's because he apparently thinks when people don't speak english...they are also deaf..HA. We snorkled off the coast of the Carribean Ocean, Sue and Paul did great...I unfortuantley cut it short and panicked...not sure why? I love to snorkel..might have been the rough waters that made me nervous! We rented a jeep (pics to follow) and came across Crocodilly's...ancient Mayan ruin's and Coconut's filled with Pina Colada's...that was a great day! I just love Cozumel, I would recommend it to anyone!! More stories and pics to follow in the upcoming blogs~
Nice to be away but always nice to come home to my family!!

WOW its been almost a month...

...since I last blogged! Sooo much has changed from then. This morning (which just happens to be the trigger to blog) we survived our first nursing experience. Yes, she came in at 6:45am and finished up at 8am. Obviously I was present, I actually still did most of the work. I had brought in a chair for the nurse to sit and watch me do the morning routine, hoping she'd just observe and ask questions when needed. Well, she had nothing to do with that!! Surprisingly and happily she jumped in and started helping and assisting without hesitation. At first I just wanted her to stay close and watch, but once I realized she was capable and willing to learn...I backed off! She was fabulous and I found myself trusting her immediatley. It will take some time, but she did ask all the right questions which helped my accept her help and respect her knowledge of working in this field.
Overall...mom is happy, hopefully Braden is too.
On a nother note, we are back from Cozumel...it was one of the best trips we had. I will have pictures to show soon and stories to share eventually. I am still recovering, it always takes some time to get back into the swing of things. We have a pretty big meeting tomorrow with our rehab consultant, we are looking for some changes..hopefully that will go smoothly. Braden is back on track with his educational goals...for a little bit I was concerned with his "i don't know what I want to do" attitude. I had thought he had it all figured out, but we/he is not sure he will be ready or prepard to go to NYC university in 2 years. I am excited to say he will more than likely go to a college in Toronto to finish a program, then if all goes well he will then proceed to NYC. I can handle that!! We are back on track with our trip this summer, we had stopped our search for buying a cottage in Nova Scotia but recently have decided to continue to look. We are not in a hurry, but if anything comes available we will definatley seek it out. I have some dinner dates coming up with friends....looking forward to those.
So, all is good...I miss blogging. I will be sure to get back at it ASAP. Well I am off to clean house and do laundry, that never gets done by itself..*sigh*