Tuesday, May 26, 2015

S'mores Treats and a little Post Traumatic Stress

 

Eeeeek......I did not know how to send my video from instagram to my blog. So I just uploaded the link. PLEASE go check it out. I will just have to share some photo's from my S'mores treats. Today I suffered from a terrible headache, I swear to god its Karma.(Long Story) Anyways for whatever reason when I get a headache I crave sweets. So what's better than a nice gooey s'mores when you have a headache?
I really don't think I need to go into details on how to make these delicious treats. Its the same recipe as Rice Krispies, except I substituted the Rise Krispies for Golden Grahams.









1/4 cup of Margarine
40 Marshmellows
1/4 tsp of vanilla extract
6 cups of Golden Grahams




You're gonna have to watch my video to follow the directions...lol
See Below.

https://instagram.com/p/3J9uZACfhh/

You know, I really feel like I am not giving my best to the blog. I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged.
There is so much that I want to blog, but I'm kind of fearful. I don't want to be vulnerable. I all of a sudden have developed an anxiety around what others might think. So weird, cause normally I wouldn't care. I eventually will have to put myself out there.
A few days ago.(.here is an example of the things I would like to blog about, but I have some problems with sharing).
So a few days ago, when I was getting Braden out of bed. He was showering, and I was bringing him out of the shower in his shower chair. While I was backing up and wheeling him down the tiled floor ramp, I had a flashback. Something triggered a memory, I think it was the scar on the back of his head that made me remember the day of my car accident. People who live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can relate to triggers... unfortunately when you have a trigger and you try to push it to the back of your min, d, it all of a sudden becomes more intense. So there I am backing up down the ramp, and my breathing becomes rapid, panic sets in and its almost like you black out but your conscious.
For me, when these moments happen I feel instant guilt. Sadness washes over me, pain controls my body. This phenomenon is not anything new to me, I have lived with it for 20 years. I know myself well enough to pull myself out of the downward spiral. I have my own coping techniques that I use, but in those few moments I do have to go through the feelings that my body, mind and soul are experiencing.
With myself being in a frenzy, and like I had mentioned I lose myself for a moment I accidently banged Braden's foot into the shower stall. Jesus Christ.....could I feel anymore badly? F**k I can't seem to win with this kid. I seriously hurt him, his foot was cut and will probably have a bruise. Yes it is my fault, but honestly I wasn't there...my mind was not present. I didn't even have the words to explain that too him. I just apologized and tended to his wounds. PTSD is not easy to live with, it does effect my life ALOT. I don't really talk about it, I'm not even sure how aware I was of it. I suppose being home again, and being a full time care giver it can take a toll. I am aware, and I do need to make changes. I am still learning, still coping and still healing. Its going to take a life time, but that's ok I have that~

3 comments:

  1. To hell with what other people think!! I love your blogs and enjoy reading them. If others have a problem with it, they don't have to read it. You have great recipes, advice and ideas. You make me think about things in a different way and I like that. I've learned, laughed and cried reading your blogs. Write for yourself and those who love reading what you write. Don't worry about the rest. xoxo

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  2. Who the hell cares what everyone else thinks. Its only matters what you think. IF they arent supportive or there to be positive or help then f$$$ them. You have the right to post your thoughts and your opinions. Until people have gone through what you have gone through or have dealt with what you have been for 20 years they will never be able to understand. Thats ok but they have no right to judge. You have no worries about what others think my friend because the people who love you and want the best for you will always be there and never judge!

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  3. Thank you ladies! Honestly no one is judging and no one has ever been negative. I have received all good things from this blog. People all over the world send me messages. It's just me...lol Lately not being comfortable sharing. That's all. No one has been cruel or rude! Thanks for having my back though..I know who to call if I ever run into trouble! Lol love you both!!

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