To be honest I ain't got nothing to blog about tonight, I have at least 20 ideas started but haven't finished any of them. So my goal is to really really try to post every single day. On days like today when I ain't got nothing...I've decided to take a quote that may have some depth and write about my feelings towards it.
I need to start by saying I have been very lucky with having support in my life. Each friend has served a purpose in my life, and family has always been a huge support.
I chose this quote because its one of the hardest lessons, but one of the most important in life to learn. By no means is this quote meant to hurt or cause suffering. The truth is....sometimes in life people have their own problems, or their own issues that they need to be tending too. Even though you yourself may be having a difficult time, its just that sometimes friends don't have the ability to put your problems first. It's not that they don't care, or they don't want to see you happy. Sometimes its just too much for them to feel like taking on your pain would put them over the edge. With that said I don't want to sound naive, I am well aware that there are people out there who do not care about what you are going through...and will not even acknowledge your feelings. Those people are the ones who you should exclude and drop from your life.
What I take away from this is something that I have always kinda believed. Having been born with a Heart Condition, and living with the effects of that...I learned to self soothe. My parents were always there, and my grandma was awesome, my extended family was also there for my parents through the years. But really who did I have to talk with, someone who could understand what i was going through. No one. So I learned how to talk myself out of fear and anxieties...as a child.
When I look back at my teenage years and dealing with drama, my friends and I didn't really ever have alot of drama. We did support eachother alot with issues like boys and dating..etc. But we never had any troubles with others, we were pretty smart that way. I also never really tolerated drama as a teen and still don't as an adult. I contribute that to my parents. They were always careful with not allowing drama into our home as a family. My dad was very black and white, and if he sensed trouble...the person was gone. I am so thankful for those lessons cause to be honest...I am very much the same. Keep your drama out of my home...if I sense even a hint of it...you're gone.
Going back to the quote...
After my accident, like I have written before in another blog post...in my darkest moment, no one was able to "make me feel better." Not Paul, not my parents...no one.
I think that's why this quote has meaning to me....its all in how you look at it. Don't get me wrong there is a big difference between needing a friend to talk too...needing a time out and going for coffee with someone you love. But in the dark of suffering, when you really don't think you can pull yourself back up off the ground....please don't fool yourself by putting expectations on anyone..to extend their arm and help you up. In reality...its not their job, its your's. You need to find that inner strength to get back up...
Now, my words are not meant for those who are being harmed, abused, self harming or silently suffering...PLEASE if you are reading this and you have a secret, or feel alone and afraid you need to tell someone. You need to find the strength inside yourself to go talk to someone you can trust. There are many people out there who are more than willing to help you....people do care. Once you seek help my darlings...its then you will acquire the tools needed to "help" yourself, to be able to take care of you~
Some of you have that one friend who totally tends to your every dying need. That friend who is almost infactuated with helping you...that's fine too. But what good is that going to do for you when all hell breaks loose and that one friend isn't there? How will you handle it? To me, that one friend is only crippling you.
I really do try to teach my children that the most important people in your life is your family. Friends are important and in certain stages of life they serve a purpose for many reasons..and I would have to say that as teenagers I really do believe your friends know you best.
As you grow and life becomes more sophisticated life, things will change. Friends will move forward, they will become busy with school, career's, partner's eventually marriage and maybe families of their own. That doesn't mean you won't be in their lives...but i believe the expectations need to change.
Its at this time my hope is that my children have the tools need to "handle things on their own". I pray they have the sense to think through their problems, don't rely on anyone to 'get' you through some of the most trying times. Don't put those predicaments on those around you...well, I mean like I said...talk to your friends, ask them to listen to you. Just don't expect them to solve the problem or think its their job to find the right things to bring you happiness. Its always nice to have that one friend who knows how to make you smile, and i am not suggesting that you discredit their attempts at helping you....there is a huge difference between helping and trying to solve someone's dilemma.
I guess to tie this up in a pretty bow, all I am trying to say is that its very important to learn not to rely on others. YES its ok to have good friends who can help you through tough times, and of course you should be a friend who does just that. But, don't expect others to make things better for you. Find the strength in yourself to be able to self soothe..or even pick yourself up when you fall. The reason is simple, "People aren't always going to be there for you. That's why you learn to handle your own things"~
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