While reading this post please remember that I state clearly in my blog description that my post ramblings are all my own personal thoughts and beliefs. My way of parenting my children may not always work for everyone because all our family situations are not the same.
With all that said...my thoughts of raising a teenage girl are simple.
The most important part in my opinion for raising a teeneage daughter is to remember that they are an individual and they are only trying to find their way in this crazy world, so give space.
Seriously, go back to when we were young ladies of the 80's world, during our idustrialized way of life. Back when women started to join the work force with our fathers and became a part of the factory workers unions. Our mothers and fathers worked long days, in hot, boring, drama filled factors..they'd come home, provide a meal then retreat to their special spots in the house to relax and have some "me"time. As a teenage girl at those times we didn't have cell phones to text our parents, friends or boyfriends. There was no way to control us, no way to keep tabs on us. One thing that stuck with me however was simple.."a curfew"...we didn't need any electronic device other than watch to remind us of the time. It was understood, you be home for 10pm or you won't be going out again for the rest of the weekend.
This is a tactic I still use today..stay in control of the situation..and as long as your teen is making her curfew there should be no need for concern.
Times have changed..we as parents today tend to cater and provide amneties to our children to make thier lives easier. Again, when I was a teen I had to find my way back home..it was my responsibility to get home and on time. Today however, most of us will pick up our children before their curfews or send an older sibling to pick them up. I think its just the way it is today...not sure if its a safty thing? For me, its a safty issue as well as a "lets control the situation" as much as possible.
We all know by the time our children are 15-16 years old, the right of passage from way back to the beginning of time intrigues our teens to start drinking and partying. THIS my friends is a time NOT to get lazy. Back when we had tweens, we could drop them off at friends house and know they'd be spending the night inside the house, listening to music, watching movies and spending time on social media outlets. But once they hit 15 years old...don't be fooled..think back to when we were 15..what were we doing? Exactly...so don't get lazy, don't just drop them off at a friends without checking in with the parents. Or asking the kids what their plans are...luckily my daughter has always told me when she was going to a party.
During these years of parenting a teen girl..it is my biggest opinion to NOT allow sleepovers after parties unless its your home. My reasons being simple. You do not know the others parents expectations...they may not have rules in their home about a curfew, they may not be up when the kids come home...which means they don't know the state your child is in when they sneak through the front door.
Know we have had a good 6 years of giving up our weekend nights (some) in order to be there for our children. That may sound absolutely ridiculous to some of you..but I will tell you this...I have happy teenagers..whom respect our home, respect us a parents and they respect themselves. I have never had a problem with a drunk out of control teen. This reason, due to the fact that I have allowed them to go to parties, I have allowed them to have alcohol at these parties..there is no lying no sneaking...and I have allowed them to stay until a certain time at night. But I have not allowed her to sleep at friends houses...WE pick them up at every party, midnight...done. Yes at times it has taken a toll..some times we have given up our night as parents, but my child is safe...and she is not out of control. That is whats most important in our life during those teenage years.
Know lets keep in mind the state of you child...for Paul and I both our children are meeting goals and achievements in life, they both have/are completing highschool, kailey is succeeding in getting her drivers license, she has had a part time job, Braden is not driving due to circumstances however he is reaching other milestones which relate to his age...if we were having difficulties getting our teens to finish highschool, have a job or anything related to them influencing thier adult developement...then we would obviously not allow the things we do today.
When parenting a teen always keep things inperspective..remember whats "normal" behaviour...keep in mind what teenagers are "suppose" to be doing during those years of self discovery. You have to let the chain loose, you have to let them make decisions, make mistakes...you can't control it all.
In our home we have always had the sense of family, both Paul and I having an impact on our childrens lives. We both have always stepped up to there for our kids, even in single parent homes its important to have a feeling of family. Kids who feel safe at home, a sense of belonging...living with boundries and rules always seem to flourish.
With our teen daughter, we have tried to keep communication open. She isn't the easiest one to talk with..she can be pretty quiet (like her dad) but I have learned in time she expresses herself, I just have to remain patient and wait for her to open up. It has taken me sometime to learn that. I need to remember to respect her privacy as well...and I do.
Even at 16 years old, we still have some control over the issue of partying. I do allow her to stay at friends houses after parties occassionally...she is going on 17 years old. For the most part however they do stay here..which is great. I don't ask her to be home anymore for 12am, it is later know...but I do reserve a taxi for her curfew and they are picked up and home on time because I have called. Thankfully the taxi company is aware, and I always ask them to call me if there is any concerns with picking up typically 6-7 girls. Its a great system and I can go to bed at night not worrying about them getting home.
Its not easy raising teens, its exhausting...if your doing it right!! But you have to remember at all times its our job to teach them the rights and wrongs in life....even with partying. There needs to be rules and expectations...they are learning, we need to give them the tools. Hopefully once they are out of your home and on their own, they will have learned from you how to be self sufficient and independant...all while being safe~
I love my kids, they are amazing and I am proud of the job Paul and I are doing!
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