Memories of a life lived...

A couple posts back I told you about an evening Paul and I spent cleaning out old files and going through reports. Well that night I also found some old calenders. One from 2002 and 2004, it was weird reading through these months. When I said to you how busy we were..i wasn't kidding!! Check out a couple months that I added to this post. You can barley see..but if you look close EVERY single day was filled with either an appointment or two, sometimes three, a lunch date, play date or a day date.

Ok Check out October 9th and October 15th..Seriously, 3 appts in one day...I don't know how I survived all this! Not to mention every other day that week was filled with 2 appts.

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Ok, so this is April 2004..out of 4 weekends we were away 3 of them. Once again each day filled with usually 2 appts.

Oh my god..could life have been ANY crazier. It's funny how soon you forget how often friends were here, or how frequently I made time to meet for coffee, lunch or dinner..to look back now I wonder why did I do that? Seriously, I was busy!! Busy with life, with Braden, with Kailey, my marriage...EVERYTHING! These were just 2 months out of  24..those were the only ones that I was comfortable with sharing. Most of the other months were filled with appts for Paul and I, or Kailey...some personal things with Braden.
When looking back on these days of our lives the only explanation I would have inorder to defend our busy life would be to admit it was probably a survival technique. I guess somewhere in the midst of crazy busy...I needed to keep going. Actually, I do remember..that If I ever stopped..long enough to think, I would have ended up...well...actually..kinda, maybe..crazy?! It was all our own fault, we didn't have to go to the boat every weekend, we didn't have to go snowboarding with physiotherapists, I didn't have to go scrapbooking...etc etc etc. I chose to be this busy, and like I said...I did what I had to do to survive.
Today is another story, I feel like i've kinda shut down the house a bit. No particular reason really..i enjoy the occassional get together here but for the most part if you want to see me, lets do it at YOUR house! I'm done entertaining big crowds, swimming parties, hot tub soaks amongst friends...I've done enough and to look back on these calender's..it confirms it! I'm sure all my beautiful friends would agree with this..there was a time when I'd hear more than once.."your crazy for doing this again at your house!" typically refering to a party we'd throw on the weekend. LOL...I just wanted the kids to have fun, I did love having my house filled with kids, friends, family, food, sweets and drinks.
However today....I'm tired, my kids are grown and i'm old. I don't have the energy anymore to have those get togethers...and looking back at those calenders once again helps me realize that its ok to feel that way! Paul and I were great friends to our peep's and our house was always open to everyone. They were great years, not to say it completely over..we are not dead...lol..its just never going to be the way it use to be, and that's good with us! These couple years have been kinda quiet, and its hard to adjust too...its not like I don't want to necessarily have my house full of family and friends every weekend, I just don't have the energy anymore. Once my weekends come, both Paul and I crash, its movie time, lounge time and relaxing time...its our time! We don't really want to share it with others every weekend anymore! Its like everything else in life, its adjustment to change. It makes more sense now for Paul and I to meet friends out, its less work for me and more relaxing..I enjoy going out more, I seem to have more fun that way!
Looking through those calenders and old files brought back ALOT of memories...I had the need to share on my blog, these are the first steps too starting the beginning of my book. Its exciting, i'm finally getting the itch to scratch..lets fire up the neuron's in my brain!