Wow, i literally just deleted a whole blog because I am so frustrated in my topics. I have nothing to say....I am sorry, nothing coming to mind. Ummm...lets see??
Ok, do any of you have a bucket list? A list of things that you want to accomplish before you die? Have you ever thought about it? I have! Yes, I have had days were I wonder about my life, am I fulfilled, and am I truly happy, am I living the best life possible? In the end will I have had a great life, one of worth and value?
My answer is YES! I have a very fulfilling life, I have everything that I have ever wanted and more!
I recently got a lovely compliment from a good friend about my relationship with my husband. She had said that she can really see the love that we have for eachother, that whenever we see eachother we both light up.
To start with feeling fulfilled...this is where it begins. I will admit that the moment I met Paul back in 1989, I fell in love! For me, I fell quickly...it felt right, it felt safe with him. He was smart, attractive and determined to have a successful life. I loved those things about him.
When I look back over the years, I will say that for every wonderful year we have had...there was a terrible one! We have not come by this relationship easy, it has been alot of work. A story hit the paper about a situation with the school board and Braden a few years back, it had said that Paul and I were having marital problems due to this stressful situation. I had a friend at the time ask me if I was embarrased or upset that the reporter referenced that in the article. My reply was absolutely NOT, why is that embarrassing? It is the truth, it is our life...do I really want to waste my energy pretending that everything is perfect? OR put my energy towards fixing things and making it better? No one knew what was going on inside my home...those discussions were private, the solutions were private but living life is not private, not if you live it to the fullest.
So, does my bucket list have..1. Marry a wonderful man who loves me unconditionally?
It definately does...and I did just that! I didn't realize how much work it was going to be...but if you concentrate on eachother, and not let others get in between the two of you, then you're bound for fulfillment.
Its still not perfect, we are still learning...
Of course on my list was to be a mom....that is were the worth and value come into play. In the end, will I be satsified with the role I played as a mom. Once again....absolutely! I love being a mom, it has been the most important role of my life! I have done my best, I/We have raised two beautiful wonderful children who I am so proud of. Was this easy? NO...this was definatley the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have ever done. I believe that the experience's that I have had as a mom has shaped me to be the best person I could be. Life is about changing, evolving and learning...I am still learning...this is just the beginning from here on in. The job gets tougher because the lessons we need to teach our children are big! We have a huge role in their growth and development especially as teenagers. We are forming them to be constructive adults on our communities, and if we don't step up and teach them ourselves...who will??
So, I still have not answered that bucket list item...I guess we will see once my kids are off exploring the world and becoming whoever they want to be. That is when I can stroke that item off my bucket list.. how good of a job I/we did raising happy, productive children! I will say one thing, I/we will have given them all the tools they need to find their way!
Naturally there are so many things to still do and learn on my bucket list...here are a few things achieved..
-owning a yellow lab
-going to Greece, Italy and Rome
-having wonderful friends
-travelling with my family
-being confident
-being happy
-being content( which is still something that I am learning)
-becoming a nurse
-working in a hospital (short lived but a wonderful experience)
-throwing a wine and cheese party
-being a great friend
-role modelling happiness for my children
-in the midst of living my life...I changed it!
A few things left on the bucket list..
- writing a book
-going to Ireland
-owning a cottage, hopefully in Nova Scotia
-having grandchildren-of course beautiful ones
THese are just a few, life is big...there is always so much to see and do!
I guess in the end of the day...what I have learned so far about myself in life through my experiences is this...Life is what you make it, if you believe in yourself anything is possible, don't make excuses...you can do anything you want in life. The only thing stopping you...is you! Jump in my friends, life can be short...life is alot more fun when you are living it! Make the best of it, even when its shitty, you are in control of your own feelings...choose happy! It's easy...
I think as we realize we are getting older lol we think of that bucket list more and more, yes I do have one, things I have done and want to do!
ReplyDeleteLife is a roller coaster, enjoy it while you can! I know you and your family have been through a lot, you and paul have been tested above and beyond and you are still together, doesnt matter what people write or say none of their business, you know the truth and whats going on and you are the ones to make the changes not anyone else. I admire both of you and know how deeply you care for each other, it has grown and is shining through. Everyone has marital issues at some point in their marriage, its the choices we make to change things in our life, we are the only ones that can better ourselves, cant depend on anyone to make those choices for us. Been a long journey life, but I think its just the begining, there is so much see to and do. I am looking forward to the future with my close friends and family! We have to enjoy life the good and the bad, makes us who we are!