The Special Mother~

Most women become mothers by accident, some by choice, a few by social pressure and a couple out of habit. This year nearly 100,000 women will become mothers of handicapped children. Did you ever wonder how mothers of handicapped children are chosen? Somehow I visualize God hovering over earth selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As He observes, He instructs His angels to make notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth. Son. Patron Saint: Matthew."
"Forest, Beth. Son. Patron Saint: Cecilia"
"Rutledge, Carrie. Twins. Patron Saint: Give her Gerard, he's used to profanity."

Finally, He passes a name to an angel and smiles: "Give her a handicapped child."

The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She is so happy"
"Exactly", God smiles. "Could I give a handicapped child to a mother who does not know laughter? That would be cruel."

"But does she have patience?" asks the angel.

"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she will drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it."

"I watched her today.

She has that sense of self and independance that are so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child i'm going to give her has his own world. She has to make it live in her world and that's not going to be easy".

"But Lord, I don't think she even believe's in you."

God smiles, "NO matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect. She has just enough selfishness."

The angel gasps. "Selfishness? Isn't that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't seperate herself from the child occassionally, she'll never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't realize it yet, but she is to be envied.

She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says "Momma" for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. When she describes a tree or a sunset to her blind child, she will see it as few people ever see my creations. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see - ignorance, cruelty, prejudice - and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."

"And what about her patron saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in mid-air.

God smiled: "A mirror will suffice."

This my friends is my most sacrad, precious poem that just happens to pull me up when I am down. I don't expect any of you to understand or by any means relate. I do hope however it eases any discomfort or lack of knowledge around mothers and fathers who are blessed with handicapped children.
When I use to ask the question "why", or "why me" there was never any clear answer that could ease my soul. Sure there were the technical reason's for my accident..you know the whole physical aspects...but for a mother who is dying for answers to satisfy her soul...this poem just about sum's it up!
Ok, so we all know my circumstances are different from having a child born with a disability, my world was shaken...up rooted and rip apart, there was no time to plan or prepare. Many children are born healthy...and acquire illness or survive accidents and live their lives with the catastrophic repercussions. In that event we still as parents try to understand why we were chosen to deal with the situation placed at our feet. Like I have said before...we need to find a reason or understanding, its all part of the healing.
I will admit, after my accident it changed a huge part of who I was. I do see life differently from others...and sometimes I feel sad for those who do take for granted the wonderful things that are right in front of them.
The other reason why I feel so connected to this poem is because it has helped me learn to deal with other mothers and fathers who are living their lives, fumbling through trying to incorporate this new situation of having a handicapped child. It has shown me that these families too have been blessed, they may not see it yet...they may still be angry but in time they will feel the effects of loving a child with a special need...and how nothing else in the world matters because everything that is all important is right there in front of them.
I'm not going to lie, there were families that would break my heart...it just seemed that their situation was so "aweful" and tragic...
However, having this poem helped me through those moments...I began to realize once again we are doing gods work, we were chosen! I am sure that many of you have felt or thought at times... "better you than me"...and I would say your absolutely right... and I wouldn't change anything~