Well thats one day of the week that I for sure have a plan. Probably the easiest evening of the week cause I usually upload to instagram a throwback Thursday. Todays Throwback was to Paul's 27th birthday, I think? Close enough!! This picture was taken at our old residence when we lived in Paul's parents basement apartment. We had moved there that November 1994, it was our plan to save some money in order to buy a new home. Paul was working at Fasco motors as a mechanical engineer and I was finishing up an ECE college diploma program. I was also working part time at a Catholic school in our community for an afterschool program. Unfortunately that following March, I had my car accident which turned all of our plans and life goals totally upside down.
I was recently talking to friend of mine over the phone about a common friend we both know. He had lost his wife to cancer and was just starting to make some changes in his own life, personal changes. My friend was expressing how our mutual friend had been feeling around his life, and how he didn't ask for this...to loose his wife was not his choice. He was struggling to move forward, make life decisions regarding issues that he never dreamed he'd have to make. I felt for him...I could relate to his fear, I could understand his uncertainty. Having your life change, completely out of your control..is like sitting in the middle of a burning house. Fire all around you, stinging you, flickering hot sparks at you...all while you try to get
out. Sadly the fires too hot, you can't get out...and everything around you burns to the ground, you know you have to keep moving in order to survive..but in the end the smoke takes you down, its the slow steady dark cloud that doesn't hurt physically like the fire does..but it chokes you out, slows your breathing and snuffs out your life. No control. Its the scariest thing in life, and its how we felt on this day.
Yep we are smiling, we are moving...a moment caught in time. I have to say, in that moment the smiles were real. We had everything we wanted right there, it wasn' t completely how we wanted it. Everything had been altered, changed...and it was not the way we wanted. Much like our friend...this life we didn't plan for, we had no idea where to turn, what to do...and even at times how to move forward. How to breath with our lungs still filled with the smoke from that burning house that surrounded us. Its been just about 20 years since this time, since we smiled for this picture. The feelings of uncertaintly has faded, well for the most part! We still are unsure of the future, but I guess its safe to say that I can look back and say with certainty that we did a great job. We didn't always know what was going to happen, our plans for our family didn't turn out the way we had thought they would... but we did our best and I truly couldn't be happier with the outcome of these past 20 years. Its been a long at times terrifying road filled with uncertainty, pain, guilt and grief..but behind every tear shed..we have felt love, passion, commitment and togetherness.
Our dear friend will find his way, he will continue to move forward..each step he takes will be with caution. But I know deep down, eventually it will all feel right again. He will stop worrying, questioning his choices and feeling fearful of new adventures. The smoke will clear, and so will his thoughts...within time, within limits and boundries...he will rebuild, he will love again and all will feel right in the world again. Maybe not how he had planned it too be, not how he may have envisioned his future...but I will say with validity that in good time he will enjoy his new journey.
OH CANADA
So proud!! All us Canadians are celebrating with pride today!! Way to go Women's Canadian Hockey team...GOLD!! It was such an exciting game, the American's played so hard...it really was an even game and between both teams either could have won. But I will give credit where credit is due...we won fair and square, worked hard and came out on top! WELL deserved win and bringing home the gold where it belongs~
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