Well, I'm not sure how many of you out there are struggling with raising teen's?! It's not like my teen's are bad...that's not really what I mean. I guess how I would like to get this point across is how much space, responsibility and trust do we allow our teen's? I do trust my kids, I actually believe them over some adults in my life. BUT, while talking with teen's these days and being involved with their decisions and plans i've come to learn how different they think from back when I was a teen.
Alot of this comes from discusions around teenage drinking and drugs. I'm not going to get into that right now, I will leave that for another time...please remember that any thing I write on this blog is strickly MY opinion and i'm entitled to that. You may not agree with something that I believe...that's ok, we are all still learning and no one is perfect. THat includes me..i am NO expert in what is best for our teen's, and I certainly will NEVER give anyone advise unless asked. I will respect your thoughts and feelings...but I expect the same from you.
The thing that I think we are struggling the most with right now, is how much freedom/privacy do we allow our daughter? I'd say i've been pretty lucky..she's been open and honest for the most part with her life and with what's going on with her friends. I can't expect to know everything...it is her life, her friends and really..I don't want to know EVERYTHING!! Lately she's been making a few comments that she feel's i'm too involved..or she feel's like she is treated like she's younger than she is?! I tend to agree with her...compared to some of her friends, she doesn't have the same freedom's. I have NEVER allowed my daughter to go to a party (someone's house that i don't know) and let her be picked up from that party and then sleep at someone's house without me knowing where the party is, are the parents there, will there be drinking, who is picking you up and where are you sleeping, who is all sleeping there?? Thank GOD...I always know the families that she sleeps at, and she's never put me in an uncomfortable position to contact an unfamiliar family.
This is just the point that i'm trying to make!!
I have had kids here, who i pick up from parties with my daughter and are drunk AND staying the night at my house. Their parents have NO idea what their child is up too. They give permission to go to these parties, be picked up by any one AND then sleep over at their "friends" house, who they've never met, never spoken too! I DON'T GET THAT!! These are young teenage girls...how can parents NOT be involved? So, I guess with Kailey witnessing that kind of freedom..she's feeling like maybe just maybe we are over the top involved?! I do have one rule,and that is...If Kailey goes to a party that I am unfamiliar with the family..then I have to be the one to pick her up from the party. That way...I see for myself the state of my own daughter, it makes her think twice about her choices knowing that I will be picking her up. I will also drive her friends back to whoever's house it is they are staying at. Sometime's i'll admit, i'm tired...I hate having to go get them at midnight on a Saturday night. BUT, there is nothing else more important to me then the safe delivery of my child to someone's house. Don't forget...its a good way for me to keep control when my daughter is out at a party or a get together...she HAS to make good choices, cause.."momma's comin to get her"! *Wink*
While coming up with idea's for blog post's I came across this idea for parents and teens. Its a contract that you can print and sign with clear and concise directions and understanding for when your teen is going out or hanging with friends. It's not something that I think I will ever do...communication isn't really a problem here. I just tell her when I'll be picking her up and bringing her home. I DO like the idea though, its kinda cool...especially if you and your teen have problems with communication. OR if you child is a repeat offender and doesn't seem to understand the rules.
Sometimes clear communication in discipline takes the written word. Below is a parenting contract for your personal use. IF this looks like something you think you'd like, please feel free to use as it is or make it your own. After everything is written out and agreed upon, parent and teen should sign the contract.
Parents and Teens Contract: Going Out With Friends Unsupervised
I know that going out with my friends without parental supervision is a privilege. I respect that my parents love me and want to keep me safe. My parents respect that I am no longer a small child and want the privilege of going out to places with my friends without their supervision. With that in mind, we agree:
1.I will always tell them where I am going to be, who I am going to be with and what I am going to be doing without an attitude.
2.If I am going to be at a friend’s house, I will share the address and phone number with my parents.
3.My curfew is ______________________. This is negotiable for both parties. My curfew means inside my home and all my friends have left.
4.I understand that I must speak with my parents as soon as I come home.
5.I will call and ask my parent’s permission if my plans have changed and will not go anywhere without checking in with them first.
6.I understand that my parents have the right and responsibility to check up on me not only when they feel the need, but from time to time to keep me safe.
7.I will respect the limits and guidelines set forth by my friend’s parents.
8.I agree that if I am unable to keep up with my responsibilities, this includes but is not limited to my school work and chores, I can lose the privilege of going out with friends.
9.I understand that I can call my parents at any time if I feel threatened or unsafe when I am out with my friends. I will not have consequences for pulling myself out of a bad situation.
The consequences for not following through with these guidelines on going out with friends unsupervised is:
As you can see, its a great idea! Not something i'm sure Kailey has in mind, and not to worry..neither do I. I just thought this whole topic was a good one...things change as our children grow, the hard part is realizing the change and then letting go of old rules to implement new ones~
Well have a wonderful weekend my friends,
Until tomorrow..good night and god bless~
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