Canada celebrations and Family Matters..

Ok Seriously, check out this dessert! You will never believe who made this amazing cake and decided to share it with us on Canada day....can you guess? You will definately be surprised once you see...check out the picture below...








Are you surprised?? When Colleen walked in with this ever so patriotic cake..which she and Kayla made, I was over the moon happy! You might be wondering why this is such a big deal? Well, I cannot even explain what this domestic gesture means to me and our group of friends. I must admit Colleen is coming along way...since the new boyfriend! It's wonderful, she cooks, she car taxies she is becoming an all star mom and a regular Martha Stewart...I don't think Martha herself could have done a better job with this "Oh Canada" cake. Typically when we have a get together at our home, regardless of what we are celebrating...Colleen is always more than willing to bring something food wise to help out. I have known for 20 years she isn't really into cooking, baking or even entertaining *holds grudge*, lol
So, normally I just ask Colleen to pick up a pie, or a case of pop (for the kids) maybe she'll grab a Sobey's potatoe salad at times she's gone all out and bought a packaged ceaser salad! I have never complained, as I am so thankful for her help and of course her ever so funny humorous stories and converstation...really, I am just happy she is here!
This special day she walked in my back yard, half of her family in tow (2 kids missing) her boyfriend not far behind (with my french bread) and this marvelous cake...I could have cried! I was just so proud of her, its so nice to see her happy...feeling good and wanting to make her dessert something special to share with us! It meant alot!! Know, I cannot leave out Kayla...she did bake the cake and she helped with the decorating...so it was a collaborative effort amongst mother and daughter. I guess I feel that I need to give her credit for this effort, because through all these years, she has always stood in my kitchen or backyard and has given me praise, encouragement and thanks for the things that I have done for our "get togethers". With all that said, I told her I was going to blog about her cake...can't believe she let me take a picture of her with it! *Smiles*

FAMILY MATTERS

I am sort of late with this, and honestly I have not taken any time to really put all of my thoughts into this topic. This topic is actually one that is very close to my heart and something that I struggle with every summer. Paul doesn't seem to be affected by it, but I struggle!

What it is like to have a brother or sister with a disablility.

Over the years most of you know how much effort we put into making sure Kailey recieves fair, equal and quality attention in our home. Luckily, we have not had too many problems with Kailey and her feelings of having a brother with a physical disability. Thankfully, I have been able to be a stay at home mom, which has reduced the amount of stress that could have potentially been placed on Kailey. I have been blessed to be able to stay home, take the time to listen to Kailey fears, worries or anger take action and put into play what is necessary for her growth and developement to remain as "normal" or at least consistant as possible.
I have always been aware of the effects that having a medically hindered sibling could pose on a child. I think one of the hardest things for me as a mom, is probably hearing the comments from friends or family who think they have everything figured out, they tend to have their own conclusions and solutions.(mostly those in the school board) I have learned to laugh, and take most "words of wisdom" as a grain of salt. I mean seriously...if you don't live it..you have no reason giving any input, unless of course you're asked for your opinion. I have this discussion frequently with other mom's of children with and without disabilities and we all seen to have a different approach to the way we run our households. Some mom's make their able children take care of their sibling, help with personal care, babysitting, feeding, toileting. There are so many area's that these siblings become helpers with. Especially when both parents are needing to work. I have seen and heard stories of families who give up so much of their own individual lives inorder to make it work for their family. The other side is parents (more common) who have gifted children, (whether atheletically or educationally)they tend to keep their children seperate. There's lives seperate, friendships, socially, and even family time all seperate. These families usually end with a split between parents...the dad taking an interest in the gifted child and the mom continues to nurture, parent and caudle their disabled child. I have learned so much over time, have I made mistakes??...absolutely! But really...who doesn't?
As far as Kailey is concerned, she has never known anything different. When she was only a baby....and if Braden began to cough she would crawl over to him and with her chubby little hands she would place them on his chest, in the exact right position and squeeze his chest in order to assist him to cough. We didn't even teach her that! She just observed over time, and figured..if i'm going to be a part of this family..then I better start helping out! She figured that out..at oneyear old!
We have never forced her to do anything she wasn't ok with, or anything that her brother wasn't ok with! We have left then alone in hopes that they would work together as a team and figure out how to fix any rising problems. They have both done very well...like many relationships communication has been important to them. Kailey has learned his body language and understands his injury like the back of her hand. She is the one who chose to do it, she became proactive...all on her own!
There have been times that I have needed her, times she hasn't wanted to be there. We have tried very hard to not put her into many uncomfortable situations whether at home or in public when dealing with personal situations related to Braden's needs, however...when we have had those moments and I have wanted to break down, pick her up and run away with her to protect her from the pain that we are facing...it is those moments that I realize the best thing to do is to so lovingly say to her.."Suck it up princess, this is our life and we are a family". As hard as that may sound,if I chose to shelter her or remove her from those situations we as a family would have crumbled...we needed her, she is important!
So, we have had our moments...but let me tell you this young lady has had an amazing, fablulous, exciting life. She has travelled, she manages to pretty much get what she wants *sigh*, she is exposed to everything, and I know she is grateful.
The information that I am posting below is from a parenting website. The information is so true and may make sense to some of you! I chose this topic this week because I stuggle every summer with the usual problems of having a child in a wheelchair, you know not being able to go on the beach, not having access to most cottages, most small towns where Paul and I like to search through old antiques shops are not wheelchair accessible. Most boats, ATV's, seadoo's are not easily accessible, friends and families homes are not accessible, backyards are difficult, pools are out of the question, parks are depressing, we are limited to the games we can play ...all things good about summer can be very frustrating. Not only for me and Paul but also our kids. We struggle to find things as a family that we can all do and enjoy..meeting all of our individual needs, not easily done and every year it gets harder and harder.
I am really not trying to complain or sound ungrateful for the wonderful material things that we do have! I know that we are very lucky to have a pool, hot tub, central air, theatre room and computer's galore! These are the things we can enjoy, and we do! What I am trying to express is how challenging it can be for families, siblings and mostly those individuals living with disabilities to experience things that many take for granted. I certainly understand that many things are not even fathomable to those of you who do not live with these conditions..I just wanted to bring awareness. I would give anything to walk on a beach with my whole family, but what I wouldn't give up is knowing that walking on any beach...is a miracle and you should feel blessed, those tiny things in life that many of us do without looking up and soaking it all in, living in the moment, embrasing the smell and sounds of the beach, realizing how fortunate we are to be able to do it. I live every moment as if it could be gone tomorrow, I am thankful, I am fortunate and I am aware of that...for this I wouldn't change a thing!! I hope and pray that through this journey together, Kailey grows up and lives her life with the same feelings that I have learned to grasp. If she only manages to take that with her in life, then it has all been worth it!
Here is some information...

Issues for brothers and sisters

Family life may need to be arranged differently to allow for the treatment and training needs of the child with a disability.

Family outings and activities (where the family can go as a family) can be affected.

Healthy children may miss out on time and attention from parents, and feel jealous of this; sometimes brothers and sisters fight between themselves because they know they cannot fight with the child with the disability.

They may feel guilty if they complain because they are expected to be sympathetic or take extra care of their sibling; they may not want to be with them when they are with their own friends.

They may be afraid of what the disability means to them; they may not understand that they cannot catch it.

They may be embarrassed by their siblings behaviour when their friends come around.

They may be asked to act as carers to help parents out and might resent this.

They may be worried and upset by their parents' reactions to the problem, especially if parents are grieving or fighting (which can happen under stress).

They may feel a pressure to succeed to make up for the parents' disappointment.


You know with all that said, I must say from the heart...very seldomly does Braden complain of his situation and the things that he misses out on. I am so thankful that he is content, happy and finds the things that make him feel complete. He has managed to fulfill his own wants, needs and desires and I am proud of him. He never complains...we are lucky for that. He is very thankful for the things we can do, the trips we have managed to take, camps he has attended, extracurricular activities that he loves and even the volunteer work that he is doing this summer. His life is complete, full of the things that bring him joy.