Well as I promised Fridays are going to be dedicated to family, marriage, parenting and all things related to life issues. I plan on giving my own personal opinions about topics that I find of interest, and I will even include Pauls opinons and thoughts on each topic.
A few weeks ago, on our way to Toronto to watch Braden play hockey Paul and I got on the topic of household chores and the division of it between a couple.
Know todays world is much different for me then it was about 12 years ago when I had a 4 year old and a 1 year old, and a husband who worked full time. I was a stay at home mom...not by choice, it was something that I felt that I had to do after my car accident. When I say not by choice, I mean it wasn't what I was working towards in my young adult years. I did not want to be a stay at home mom while the kids where little, I enjoyed having a career and loved my job at the time.
Circumstances changed and I felt that I was needed at home to be there for my children, i wouldn't change a thing..I was fortunate to have the chance to be there for them. I mean my situation in life was alot different from many, there was alot of growing, learning and healing going on in those early years of motherhood.
When Paul and I were discussing how things were back then, I can honestly say I did take care of most things inside the house, cleaning, cooking, appointments, play dates etc etc...
Paul was great back then, if I needed him for the most part he was there. I will admit that I had some resentment back in the day. When I was having a rough day for reasons many of you will never understand (someday I hope to share these feelings, but for know..i'm not ready) and I would need Paul to come home, some times he just couldn't come and that would break my heart.
We went through a huge adjustment phase, and needed to learn to make things work so both of us didn't feel overwhelmed. I remember getting some advice from a doctor telling me that I can not expect Paul to walk into our home and know exactly what needs to be done. I guess I expected that he should just know that there was laundry in the dryer or the dish washer needed to be emptied. This doctor said that the house was my full time job, I spent more hours in it than Paul did and technically he was right. The other point he made was that I wouldn't have a clue what to do or what needed to be done if I walked into his work...so with direction and communication my expectations became clear to Paul. I think that's the trick to success, its all about communication. Another thing that was challenging to accept with help from Paul was his way of doing things..he had his way of folding laundry and I had mine, he tidied the kitchen differently from me, I had to learn how to let him do it his way. If I wanted his help, then I had to accept his way of doing things. So, over time we did learn to co-operate and work together.
When I asked Paul his opinion on household chores and the division of it he said that he doesn't mind helping out. He did however have something to say about my lack of help with the outside chores! Seriously, I do nothing outside..I have never cut the grass, never weeded the garden, never really planted anything, I don't help with the pool or the hot tub. I quickly reminded him that we were talking about the inside..so he can't bring that up, its not of concern!LOL
Today is totally different, we completely work together..if anything Paul probably does more than I do. He probably thinks that he has more control in the house because he does more...I will let him believe that as long as he keeps up the housework, its a great arrangement!
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