You do NOT have to make others happy~ Sharing secrets from my own life struggles

Every so often I come across posts like this one, and I think to myself this is some thing that is important to me.

I have met one too many parents who suffer directly from caregiver burnout, or even just parenting. When I was young and in the midst of raising my family, living daily with the struggles of parenting a special needs child. I did not, take enough time for myself. So what I want to say to all you mom and dads out there who are reading my blog and raising a family, with our without a special needs child...please give yourself permission to take more time for you!

One thing I did do however was I joined a gym and I did take care of myself physically. Both Paul and I were very active and fit. It was the best way we could connect at times, and honestly it was the best coping technique for the daily struggles that came with constant fighting for the rights of your child.

 

 

Sadly for parents who are bogged down with making sure your child gets all they need in school, making sure medical needs are met, therapy needs are adequate and social situations are being initiated outside of school. SO many wants and needs, I never rested. EVER!

Seriously, when the kids went to bed out came the note pads, and ideas. Constantly brain storming, trying to stay 10 steps ahead of the school board, doctor's, therapists and friends. I was always prepared, but living hopelessly tired.

Not only was it a challenging staying ontop of everything going on in my special needs childs life, I also made it my life's goal to make everyone else happy.

That is something that has come to the for  front right now in my life, its something that I am seeking help for. I feel I have lived 20 years constantly trying to make others happy, secretly blaming myself for any un-pleasantries they may have in their lives.

There it is, I said it!

 

Finally admitting it out loud. I have lived with guilt for all these years just trying to make others happy because I felt I may have taken something from their lives. I have felt responsible for my husbands happiness, children, parents, brother, family and even friends. For ever meeting their needs and only burning myself out along the way. I suppose this feeling comes from the effects of my accident, and how I blame myself for the pain and suffering those around me have experienced.

I will come back to this topic eventually, its something that is very personal and I truly want to blog about it in hopes to help any one who may too live with guilt. I will also explain in detail what I mean by this statement.

I am slowly realizing the mistakes I have made, and I am making some significant changes in my life. 

I can not express enough, how tired I am in life. My psychologist commented recently how exhausting it must be too have carried Mount Everest on my shoulders for 20 years. This was when I cried. Finally someone who will validate my feelings.

I really do want to open up about this, I so appreciate those of you who have reached out too me. I love to get your emails, and I want to thank you for those who have shared in your own lives.

Thank you to the small handful of friends and family who read and support my blog, leaving comments and sharing it on facebook.

Thank you for taking the time for me, this blog is incredibly helpful to me. It is a pure source of therapy, and to actually know I have readers who engaging with me make me want to continue.

Much love to each of you, please keep sending me those emails. I love reading about your struggles and your triumphs.

 

So what I want to leave everyone who is reading this, is this "It is NOT your job to make others happy" take it from me. You will only burn yourself out, and find yourself alone in the battle at the end of the day.

Keep a small circle of non- judgemental, very easy going and non- expectation'ish group of people.

Most importantly take care of yourself. I did a great job of taking care of my physical needs which honestly did keep my mental health positive. I firmly stand behind the belief that exercise is the best form of therapy ALWAYS. I also believe that is why I remained so upbeat, positive and active over the past lets say 15 years.

But with all that energy came excessive expectations placed on myself. That's all changing however, and I am sure there is going to be a few of you not too happy about that.

Saying NO is becoming a very easy thing for me....now I need to learn to say no without guilt.

 My dear friends, please take the time to replenish, do not wear yourself out. At the end of the day its ok to sit on the couch, eat your favorite snack foods and watch shitty ass reality TV.

Its ok to not fight every battle, and its really ok to let someone else take the battle for you.

Pass the sword friend, its ok!

Well my lovelies, speaking of burning out this ol'gal is kinda tired. So until tomorrow good night and god bless~