When fear imprintes itself into your body, mind and soul~

 

 

Good evening Friends, I kinda want to touch on a topic that I have been suffering with for a VERY long time.

 





I live a life where I fear something bad is going to happen ALL of the time. It truly is a life sentence, something that I do to myself. I have recently reached out for some help with this, along with a few other "PTSD" related issues. I am so glad I did~

You see, when living with Post Traumatic Stress its something that creeps into your life occasionally. But when it does, it sure knows how to turn your life upside down and make itself known.

 I am continuing to work on this feeling that something Is going to go wrong. It's a real fear, and it can be paralyzing. I have a constant worry about all of family and friends, and I live in terror that I will get a phone call that someone has been injured or possibly ill.

It has been a long time since I have had to seek any sort of professional help regarding my PTSD, but I am so happy I did. I miss my old self, I miss my confidence and my ability to talk myself out of certain fears and triggers. I might take you on this journey with me, I might share my experiences with you. I haven't decided, but I wanted to leave you with this...

I am currently reminding myself, that feeling fear is a choice. I cannot let it get the best of me. Although I worry constantly about my children and husband, lets remind myself to look at the things I did right.

I gave my children the chance to grow, advance and reach milestones in their own lives. I did not hinder them out of fear of losing them. I may have a real fear of the safety of my daughter daily when she isn't with me, but I am thankful I still allowed her to leave. That takes a strong person, and I am proud of that.

 

You see, you cannot walk out your front door one day smiling at the scent of spring closing in.

 The warmth you feel as the sun beats down through your windshield making you feel a sense of security.

It was a happy moment, it was a typical day in my life.

Without warning, it all changed. My whole life was shattered, in a matter of seconds. SO you see when you live through that, and you survive...it imprints in your biology, it changes a part of you.

It doesn't ever leave, but It also doesn't have to define you.

But you have to learn to live with it, and living with it takes knowledge. You need tools, and I am going to fill my tool box once again.

I am looking forward to it, I miss myself.

To my children, I WILL not give up and I promise you both...this is only a moment in my life. I have been here before and I will be here again.

I will teach you both through this, that being vulnerable is ok. It doesn't make someone weak, and I will show you the tools you will need someday when life "alter's" your own path.

I will be fine. I always am. 

All I need from you both is two listening ears and patience.

I love you both~

To my friends and readers, good night and god bless~