Well this couldn't be further from the truth, I will always be a special needs parent. Is your job as a parent ever over? NO?? Well being a special needs parent doesn't end either.
When my children were little, and my life was a bit crazy. I had great friends and family, I was lucky that my closest friends understood my needs. They got it, they knew if I hadn't called them daily it was because I was busy. None of them put expectations on me that naturally set me up to fail. They followed my lead and never really made me feel bad for not always being available to them.
I have also been blessed with most family and friends who have taught their children about acceptance. I love and admire dearly those of you who brought your children to my house for play dates. The people who spent time teaching your own children the importance of acceptance.
I didn't always talk much about how I was feeling or how things were going, I never truly felt anyone could possibly understand anyways..so I never bothered speaking out. Before cell phones and texting, you use to have pick up a phone and actually talk to someone. I hated the phone, it just seemed that everytime I tried to have a conversation...something would happen and I would have to let that person go. I still to this day hate the phone, there are so many other things I could be doing with my time. I have never been one to "make" my children wait while I sit and gossip on a phone.
However....texting while busy is something that I am more than capable of doing. Lol..just ask Braden, he waits many times a day while I text away and have full on conversations with people. I remember at one time feeling guilty cause I couldn't call friends, or even make time to talk and catch up weekly. But, then I had to let that guilt go and realize if they are true friends, they will be patient with me and learn to understand that my life requires my time to be spent on other things. As a special needs mom, that is one of the harderst parts in our lives. We have so many demands put on us that no one can ever understand unless of course you are raising a child with special needs. Sometimes its lonely, you get forgotten about at times because you may not get to keep in touch as much as people may expect. You don't have the time to meet up with friends, its alot harder to get away for a weekend for "girls weekends", still today its hard for me.
Another difficult thing for us parents, is the fact that through the years it was just easier to have people here at our house. It was accessible and all the supplies needed were here at home, but what people don't understand is that entertaining at my home is like entertaining at work. Imagine working all day at your job...tired, flustered, anxious and even maybe grumpy and then at the very end of your day 3 friends drop by your office with their kids. Now you have to entertain a small group of people. ...it was exhausting. I am not complaining as through the years, I was VERY grateful to have had those times swimming in the pool, picnic lunches...etc etc, but what us special need mom's need too...is to get OUT of this environment. I work here..in my home is my job. Like I said, imagine working all day at your job then having people come in at the end of your day to hang out at your work? Ya, thats how I feel. I know thats how other's feel as well, we don't always need to meet at our homes, its nice to get out and healthy too.
If you are a friend to a special needs parent, that makes you a special friend. Especially if you fully try to understand the life your friend lives. I can guarantee you...she is trying her best to be a good friend to you, she is wanting to put your needs ahead of her own some days. She does care about you, she wants very badly on days to be there for you as well. She doesn't always want it too be about her, its nice to let her listen to you as well. Please be patient with her/him and I promise you will learn much about life from your "special needs" parent friendship. If you listen closely her heart will speak, and you will come away with knowledge, committment and a forever friend.
I am a special needs parent, and I have special needs...my son is growing up. But his needs haven't changed, and neither has mine.
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