March 9~Cambridge Tot Injured in Car Accident

It was exactly 19 years ago today when my life took a sudden derailment into uncertainty. For 19 years we have been busy recoving from the effects of this day...and in many ways we are doing incrediably well. I have to admit I am pretty damn proud of the family we have become, the obstacles we have over come and the hurdles we continue to jump. I uploaded just a couple of the newspaper articles that were wrote around the time of my accident. It has taken a really long time to even be able to go back and read these articles...you can imagine how difficult it is to actually upload them.

One issue I have never really spoke about was the car seat that Braden was in at the time of my accident. Back in 1995, the rules and saftey regulations were alot different back then. I remember the police officer coming to the hospital to speak to me, it was about 2 weeks after, I was terrified to hear what he had to say. The constable took me from Bradens ICU hospital room, took me outside and said "let's take a walk", I was so scared. He was such a large, strong, sturdy and powerful man. I walked along side him....nervous, but at the same time I felt safe. He was gentle, kind and patient. He had called into the ICU room and told the nursing staff that he was there to see me, and that he would wait for me until I was ready. He let me take my time, no hurry...so I stood at Braden's bedside, head down at on his railing....and just breathed. Terrified.
As we walked, he was careful of his chosen words....I asked him if I was going to be charged with  anything regarding Braden's car seat. I had heard rumours floating around that we had an "improperly installed car seat". His response was clear, concise...and honest. He explained to me that there was a thorough investigation between the police, car seat saftey investigators and even the car seat company themselves. It was found that I could not be charged, the rules were not clear around car seat installation in the front seat of the vehicle or even around what to do with the teather strap. He went on to further say that there will be many more investigations inorder to change the laws, change the policies and regulations around car seat installations. I remember him saying "the teather strap is a gray area, and not defined in the instruction manual. Basically it was not clearly characterized in the manual how to properly and securely place a car seat while in the front seat. Even though today you are not allowed to have the car seat up in the front seat...just coming out of the 1980's, it was something they hadn't yet disprove. I mean in the 80's we didn't even use car seats, not until the early 90's did they start to shed light on car seat safty. It definatley hadn't become a forced law, filled with extreme rules and regulations until after my accident. I do take comfort in knowing that my accident had been one of the causes to push forward new laws.
The constable continued to share with me how my accident has changed the way his fellow police officer was going to install her own childs car seat while in the front, that apparently she too did not have a clue how to install the seat while in the front.
 Another trauma doctor who had looked very closely at Braden's injury and the events of the accident, determined and very cautiously explained to Paul and I that if Braden was in the back seat of my car and was tethered as he should have been he would not have survived. The way my car had been hit, and the whip motion of my car...Braden would have had his neck broken and probably not have survived. Due to the fact that Braden was able to "go with the movement" in the car, he was able to stop himself from "snapping his neck".
 This issue in our life has been by far the most forbidden...its the one thing we still struggle to discuss, and to be honest Paul is not comfortable with me even publishing this post. I however have moved forward, we still have moments of pain when we discuss this topic.
Don't get me wrong here....we still beat our selves up daily, it is not easy living with the "what if's" but I do hold close to me those words we were given by some pretty incrediable professionals.



My only hope is that Braden understand that we did our best, Paul probably struggles the most with this. As he feels he should have done something better with the car seat. In all honesty I remember Paul not even wanting me to put Braden in the front. But I couldn't reach him in the back, I was too short...and like I said back then there wasn't as much "education or knowledge" around travelling with children, we were just coming out of the ages where children wore seat belts in the back...and only if the car still had seat belts attatched.
After my accident I know of many friends who made adjustments to their own car seats..and I am thankful for that. However there were still some...who I witnessed myself that allowed their children to be in the front seat...some as young as 3 years old sitting up front, with only a seatbelt. At least I am content to know that once I knew better..we did better. Those who did not make changes to their childrens car saftey insulted me tremendously...it was a slap in the face to see them driving around town with their youngsters in the front seat....when damn well knowing what had happened to Braden.


  Here are a just a couple pictures of our valiant soldier who fought so hard to stay alive. This neck, head and body brace was used after his Spinal Cord Surgery..it was in hopes to keep him still, to make it easy to manouvere him, change his position. He hated that chin strap and I ended up fighting with the orthopediac surgeon to have it removed.
The picture below is me, mom and Braden. It was the first time they let us take him outside, the smiles were due to the fresh air we were enjoying. Braden had finally escaped his hospital room...we were loving the sunshine, something so simple...something that many take advantage of. I can honestly say I will never ever take forgranted something as simple as the warm sun beating down on you....I know how quickly it can be taken away~

Below is a picture of one of Braden's nurses...he was great, we really loved when he was on with Braden. At this time, Braden had regained function of his right arm and hand. He was starting to breathe a bit on his own, you can see the trach mask and he wasn't hooked up to his "life support". At this point I remember thinking things were looking up, the brace was gone, he was starting to sit up and also do physiotherapy. We had a long road ahead of us...but each day brought new promise.


Here we are, 19 years later...tonight we celebrated. Every year, on March 9th we remember and we celebrate. So much has changed since back in those hospital days. The biggest and bestest change is our Kailey. I know sometimes she feels like she wasn't a part of that time in our life. Even though she wasnt' there thankfully during that time..I tell her constantly that she was the best thing we ever did. So many people thought we were crazy to add a child to our complicated life. But to Paul and I it felt right...we needed her. She saved a family from living many years of sorrow...it was because of her, we had to smile. It wasn't her choice to join this family...so why bring her into a depressed, miserable situation? We had her to heal, to make our family complete..to give us another reason to live. Most importantly to stop us from living our lives solely around Braden..cause if she hadn't come along we would have handicapped Braden further by making everything about him. We also wanted a sibling for Braden, he deserved someone on his side. Having Kailey made us find ways to live happy, to give them experiences as "normal" families do. We had to be pretty creative for many years...but I would be damned if anything would stop us from giving both of them a happy, healthy childhood. She is my heart...and I couldn't be prouder of her~

(Paul is not smiling because he had a mint in his mouth..lol)

I don't often get any words from Braden regarding my accident and his injury. He keeps his thoughts close and his words are filtered carefully when he does speak. But tonight he uploaded a picture to instagram and wrote these words below....he will never know what this means to me. It is reassurring to see that he has such a healthy outlook on our lives, that we have managed to instill positive messages through all the years of raising him. He is truly one of the hardest workers I know, he is by far the bravest person to ever set foot in my life. I know he is destined for greatness...he is wise, he is strong and he is brave. I don't know what I would do without him in our lives...

One of my bestest dropped off this beautiful journal, card and bookmark today to acknowledge our day. It was the sweetest thing ever, such a surprise and not at all expected. Each year I recieve phone calls or text messages from friends letting me know they are thinking of us...and that means alot. I do not expect family and friends to remember this day...people have their own journey's, their own triumphs and days of celebration. I have tried hard to not focus so much on March 9th, we keep it fairly quiet each year. Keeping the memories and celebration between us...some years its just been in passing where we acknowledge to one another that today is the day....life is busy, and I don't want to make our life together soley based on one day. Then there are years like this one...where it hits us, and it hits a bit hard. Mostly we reflect on how far we've come, we laugh at some of the things we've done, things we want to do. But like I said, I don't want to keep rehashing a day that changed our lives forever...its done, it happened and we have moved on.
Thank you Colleen for this gift, I will make great use of this journal and fill it with so many stories, book inserts, ideas and brainstorming scheme's. Your thoughtfullness is noted, and I will think of you when I write.
Well my friends, I shared what I feel is substantial...but not enough to take from my book ;) I wish you all continued happiness...and a reminder to feel the sunshine, my friends it is coming, its around the corner...feel it, soak it in..and give thanks~