Here's to March 9th!!

Well here we are 15 years later and still counting. This day in history is not essentially a day that i think about regularily..thankfully life is to busy for that. However every year on this day, I do remember..and I do struggle just to face the changes that occurred unwillingly on March 9th, 1995. Yes many years have past, thankfully we have overcome much of the battles physiclly and emotionally..the wound has healed...for the most part! Today there are only triggers that still effect my ability to accept or acknowledge how our lives have changed forever. The hardest part today is struggling with the on going health concerns and physical challenges. There will always be some sort of health concern that will forever keep us slightly stilled. This part of our life is the most difficult to accept. Another profound difficulty that we have found over the years is how so many people think that they are experts when dealing with individuals who have disabilities. It's the most annoying part of having to work with a few of the "knowledgable people" in this field. I don't mean any disrespect to those who have been more than special to us in our life. We have truly been lucky to have had the best doctors, nurses, physiotherapists, occupational therapists, neurosurgeons etc,etc..the small handful of "know- it- all's" linger around giving advice in areas they have no experience in. I have learned to keep them all at arms length and only speak to them when necessary.
What has seemed to work for me over the years is the power of positive thinking. We have choices in moments of despair..do we make a choice to be positive and deal with things or do we get angry and make things more difficult. If those are my two choices..i'm putting in the hard work and finding the positive, life can be much happier and fullfilled with that choice.
Of course If I could change the events of March 9, I would do it in a heartbeat. I hate that Braden suffered so severly, I hate that Paul and I will never be the same people we were the day we met. I wish Kailey didn't have to witness the struggles, battles and suffering that her family has had to conquer over time.
With that said though, I must admit through these life experiences...I have been blessed with the most amazing family you could ever hope for. I have friends who have been by my side since that first day, they have held me up, they have listened, they have encouraged..they have guided me when I was lost. They were often my voice of reason when I felt out of control, for all these wonderful things, not too sure I would change a thing. We have met so many astonishing people through our journey, many of them still give us hope, they keep life in perspective. When hit with tragedy, it humbles you..it gives you a reality that makes you see life in a way that is indescribable, and for that I am blessed. MY life is love..my life is filled with hope, desire, strength, courage and determination. Yes, we are always confronted with barriers, whether its medically, physically or even emotionally, things are not easy..somedays I just want to give up. But, we don't...we fight harder..sometimes its tiring, we are always wearing our battle gear, ready and willing to go at anytime. Really, if I chose to look at the negative side of March 9th..I can honestly say without hesitation..I don't think I would be here today. The pain was deep, its the type of pain that hurts your chest, with every breath you take. It hurts your head, alters your sight and paralyzes your will, your hope and your strength. How do you even begin to overcome that? Day by day...you have to face it, mourn it, accept it and then deal with it. Its not easy, i remember waking up in the Ronald MacDonald House every morning being thankful that today I still have a reason to get up! It wasn't ideal, and certainly not where I was wanting to wake up, but this was my life..it was what I was having to do. There were no choices, I had a child who was depending on me to be there, to care for him, to be sure he was getting the best care possible. I however was looking at it a bit differently, at the time I felt I had a child who I broke..and it was my duty to fix him, I was going to do whatever I had to do to make him better! I guess those words stand true today, I will never give up, lose hope or quit my will to overcome truama to triumph. Some say we have already done that, and I agree deeply. We have beaten many odds, overcame so many conflicts and I am very proud of our accomplishements but we have a long way to go!! So here's to March 9th, 1995..it's nice to see you come every year, it is reason to celebrate..but when the sun sets and we lay our heads and pray..its nice to see you go!!