Frustrated.

Don't you just hate when you have one week where you're on top of the world and then the next week....it all goes to hell?! That's my week. Be patient friends, I will return very shortly!! 

Stuffed Peppers and Anniversaries~

 Yesterday (June 4th) my parents celebrated 44 years of marriage. Happy Anniversary to the most amazing couple, thank you for always being our best life coaches. You have given us the gift of friendship but continue to support and encourage us as great parents do. We love you both so very much~

 

Last week I tried a new recipe, I just got it off of Kraft Canada. Stuffed Peppers..and we really liked them. As you may know I am trying to incorporate new "vegetable" recipes into our menu here at home. I'd like to remove more of our meat intake, i'd love to get rid of pork completely. Its going to take time, but I hope to accomplish that.

So with that said...if I could change this recipe i'd add pork...lol....honestly it was good, but kinda bland. I followed the recipe and did not make it my own. So next time I may add sausage, or beef or if I feel brave enough i'll just play around with my seasonings.

Overall, the whole family enjoyed it. I left you with some pictures and directions..feel free to give this one a try ;) Make it your own though~

Prepare 2 cups rice according to package directions and combine with 1 can (28 oz) drained, diced tomatoes, 1 minced garlic clove, 1 chopped onion and 1 tsp dried rosemary

 

 

Cut off tops of 4 medium peppers, green, red or yellow and remove seeds.

Spoon rice mixture into hollowed out peppers and bake for 30 min at 375°F. Remove and place one KRAFT SINGLES Process Cheese Food Slice on top of each pepper and return to oven for an additional 3 min to melt cheese

 

 

Today is our 22nd wedding anniversary. Can you believe that? We made it...here's hoping for another 22.

I woke up this morning, and Paul has always been good at having a card for me when I wake up. I didn't see it at all...and figured oh when he gets home from work. After I made my  tea and sat down to finish this blog I opened up my laptop and found this...

He's good..he got me!!

Happy Anniversary Paul, thank you for the best life ever. I truly am blessed to have you and i'm looking forward to what the future holds for you and I. Cheers, Spark~
Love you~

She's made a decision.....

Well friends, the verdict is in...she's going to University of Guelph~

After a very long decision process, Kailey has finally decided to go to Guelph. She had applied to many schools, and had felt it was best for her to have as many options as possible. With that however, came too many choices which eventually caused some grief.

I was a little disappointed that she didn't go to Ottawa. Only because I felt the program the University Of Ottawa offered had an option for Pharmacology. With also an option of 4th year co-op. I had thought maybe a young lady being educated in Ottawa with a possible government job would have been ideal. What a great start to a wonderful life~
However, it wasn't what she was looking for. I am very proud to announce that she was accepted into the Bachelors of Science, Honours Major Molecular Biology & Genetics.
She had actually thought she'd be going to Western University, but when she got into this program offered at Guelph she felt it too be a better opportunity for her career.
Ever since she was young she has said she want's to be a doctor. I suppose this is the start...and within some time she will have a better understanding of whether or not she will follow through with this dream.

We took a tour at the campus this week, and I must say it is beautiful. Paul and I had to come away with some souvenirs, I got myself a "University of Guelph mom mug".  We sure are proud parents~
Kailey felt it was the place for her and she is looking forward to living in residence and having some fun. I am happy that she will be close enough that if I want to see her or bring her some food, snacks or treats...I can just take a fairly quick jaunt to Guelph. We can meet for lunch, she can come home for Sunday dinners..she was so smart to take this into consideration when accepting her University. Sunday family dinners are important and to be honest I was feeling a bit stressed slightly anxious to think she'd be missing most of them.
Overall my lovelies, its an excited household tonight.
On a slightly different note, June 3rd 1989 was the day Paul and I met.
We were at a mutual friends pool party, and when I first seen him sitting at the kitchen table I was instantly attracted to him.
As we sit here tonight at our diningroom table figuring out our daughters classes for her fall semester, I am still just as attracted to him as I was 26 years ago tonight~
Until tomorrow chummies, good night and god bless~

When I Get To Work With My Boy~

Last week Braden and I travelled to Hamilton to speak at a Travelling with a Disability information session. We as peer support workers were asked to share our experiences with others. When someone is a newly acquired Spinal Cord Injury it can be a very scary situation. Everyone believes life is going to dramatically change.

And, it does...but not as much as you may think.

We are there to assure them that even though they will be travelling with a bit more equipment, it doesn't have to stop you. There were a few other Peer Supporters as well, and they had a ton of experience and a lot of information. Braden and I actually learned a little ourselves.  We had no idea that if he was to travel too someplace like England or Australia (pretty much anywhere) you can rent equipment and have it delivered to the place you are staying at. So the past year I have been stressing about Braden travelling with only one attendant. Technically he is a two person lift, but now we can look into and search for companies that will deliver lifts, commodes or even extra wheelchair. Problem solved.

 

 

As most of you know, both Braden and I do some Peer Support work. I was talking to someone, and had turned around and found this moment Braden was having with an elderly lady to be profound.

I snuck this picture, and later on our drive home Braden said to me "you know what's weird mom?"..."what?" "Its so weird that I can relate to someone 3x my age simple due to my life experience".

I couldn't have agreed more with him, and truly at the time I snapped this picture that's exactly what I was thinking.

Well after this afternoon we drove home but first stopped to get a homemade baked pie for dessert. YUMMY!!

Lets Talk Hard Work.

So many years of walking, he was so dedicated to Braden's recovery...thank you for that Paul~
 

I have been so blessed to be apart of some pretty amazing peoples lives. I have seen some rotten situations that some have pulled themselves out of. Strong people. Determined to change their lives, and make them better. When I say better...I mean down right, pick yourself up off the fuckin ground and straighten the bow on their head and move on.
There is a small handful of these people who have crossed in my life path, and still today I admire their strength and determination.
 My own struggles have been real, they have been difficult and I have continued to change my life accordingly. However my battles were a few years ago, thankfully my life has ironed out and we've been fairly stable for some time now. I am sure there will be many more things to overcome in my future, I will handle those like I did 20 years ago..like a boss~
Those whom I am speaking about today have been dealt some pretty shitty situations much out of their control.
Lost marriages, abuse, cheating, drugs, job loss, alcohol and illness all of which have inflicted and tortured many lives. It amazes me how some people can see the problem and take action, change the course of their lives. It takes a very strong person to do this.  Its much easier to ignore the obstacle and fall on your ass while waiting for others to pick you up. I've always wondered how people can deflect their problems on others and put expectations on those around them to clean up their mess.

I have also been blessed with an amazing husband, who has always worked very hard for his family. You see long ago when we had been released from the hospital and able to go back home, I had started to  receive an income from our insurance company. Before my accident I was working part time and going to school, but once Braden was injured I wanted to be home with him. I needed to be in charge of his care, health and rehabilitation. Back then, I wanted Paul home with me. I have mentioned before that I do hold some anger towards him because he didn't stay home with Braden and I at that time. I look back now and realize he was right to continue on in his career. When I had bad mornings, when he was still just a baby and reliant on a life sustaining machine, needing an NG tube for feedings....I never had the choice to be down. I suppose if Paul would have been home during those days, back then...I would have taken the time to cry, be angry, sad and very well may have spent days in bed. Feeling sorry for myself, not dealing with what had to be done and not carrying on as a mom. He was right, and I do see today that it was the right thing to do. ALTHOUGH.....I have had some VERY hard times and I have felt VERY alone, and sometimes I would call him crying, begging him to come home. Not often would he come home, I don't want to vilify him. He did what he had to do, and 20 years later we are all in a really good place. I'm not sure if I would be who I am today if he would have surrendered to all my desperate pleas and phone calls. Those crying moments, when I was begging him to come home and he couldn't....I had to hang up that phone, wipe my tears, breathe and move on. Straighten myself out, shoulders back...put a smile on my face and go tend to Braden. The moments passed, and I comforted myself. I know for sure, if he had come home every time I wanted him too...I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have had the opportunity to soothe or comfort myself.
I believe my family is a warm group of hard working individuals. I am pretty proud of my children, they are determined and goal oriented. Not at all lazy, or dependant. I like to think its due to Paul and I, we haven't let them grow up with excuses. They know what they need to do to be successful, they can be dependable and follow through with expectations. Both are well educated, volunteers and working young adults. That didn't come easy and thanks to Paul's work ethic our children are aware of what it takes to be thriving in todays society.
I have to mention not only can I be thankful to my husband but also those who have crossed our paths. They have witnessed themselves the desire of friends and the will they have to change their lives. Some have gone back to school much later in life, they had to give up homes, jobs and many material objects. Each of them knowing its only temporary, that within time and patience the things they lost will come back again. You can't put a price on self respect, or self improvement. As challenging as it was for them to loose the things they cherished most, they put in perspective what was truly important in life. Its the same scenario in many families..One Step forward, two steps back. I have a small handful of friends whom have changed their lives, sacrificed the things that make them happy and comfortable. Due to their bravery over came the trials and tribulations.
I suppose my reasons for blogging about my experience with our choices regarding hard work and not taking the easy way out is just so you can understand what we had sacrificed. You see, as years went on we met more people living in our "world". Families torn by tragedy, forced to make decisions that will effect the course of their lives forever. Some did exactly what I wanted Paul to do, both parents stayed home. Gave up their jobs, lived off the income from the insurance companies. We very well could have done that and in the beginning its what I had wanted. But Paul refused, and thank god he did. I get it now....
We met families that ended up fighting over the money, families that ruined their lives and their child's by getting settlements and blowing it. Eventually sending their child or spouse to live in a group home. Sad sad stories, I think they took the easy way out. Eventually ending up in the worst possible of situations. We did good, we stayed true to our son and his needs. We also stayed true to eachother, always remembering who we are. We worked hard. Both of us, and for that I can relate to my friends.
They are happily now working in a chosen career path making money that is getting them back on their feet.
I adore their noble efforts to remove themselves from a situation that is causing them or their families stress. Working towards harmony, peace and a positive happy life. That's the beautiful thing about life, you can change it. Its not easy, it takes a lot of courage and devotion. But its do-able!

I don't want to leave this post with the feelings that Paul wasn't there emotionally for me throughout the years. He was there. He did the best he could. He is the hardest working man I know, by far the most committed to his family.

(When Paul and Braden use to go downstairs to do therapy, Kailey would stand at the gate and yell down at them. She had no idea what was going on down there, she really wanted to know. So this is Paul coming up the stairs with Braden after a work out, and Kailey waiting for them. I had to get a picture of this. Such great memories. I believe Braden went through a phase when he wore his bat man mask he was better at therapy. I think he was right!)

 

He loves his kids, and I know he loves me too. In fairness to Paul, during the past 20 years he did take a leave of absence twice both times for a year. The first year was when Braden was in Kindergarten, ( I think?) he was not in school fulltime, because Paul took the year off to rehabilitate him. He worked along side two of Bradens physiotherapists and everyday he and Braden would head downstairs to the "work out" room and do some play therapy. What kind of man does that? A self-less good man does. 

(Braden walking around the furniture, just ways we could get him to do therapy)

It must have been difficult for him to do, I am aware today of how hardworking he really is...how much his job means to him.
The second year he took time off to spend with ME! He actually took a temporary lay off...he volunteered to be laid off, because there was another guy going to be let go of. Paul had went to his boss and told him he would take the time off instead of his co-worker.
Even though he didn't always come home when I needed him...he made up for that. We had wonderful days spent together, so much time to reconnect and rekindle the magic between us. :)
Its amazing how everything can work out, it takes time and work but eventually things iron out.
To those friends who are in the midst of chaos and disorder, you keep working hard. Don't give up cause in time you will be reaping the benefits. Best of luck, so proud of each one of you~

S'mores Treats and a little Post Traumatic Stress

 

Eeeeek......I did not know how to send my video from instagram to my blog. So I just uploaded the link. PLEASE go check it out. I will just have to share some photo's from my S'mores treats. Today I suffered from a terrible headache, I swear to god its Karma.(Long Story) Anyways for whatever reason when I get a headache I crave sweets. So what's better than a nice gooey s'mores when you have a headache?
I really don't think I need to go into details on how to make these delicious treats. Its the same recipe as Rice Krispies, except I substituted the Rise Krispies for Golden Grahams.

1/4 cup of Margarine
40 Marshmellows
1/4 tsp of vanilla extract
6 cups of Golden Grahams

You're gonna have to watch my video to follow the directions...lol
See Below.

https://instagram.com/p/3J9uZACfhh/

You know, I really feel like I am not giving my best to the blog. I'm starting to feel a bit discouraged.
There is so much that I want to blog, but I'm kind of fearful. I don't want to be vulnerable. I all of a sudden have developed an anxiety around what others might think. So weird, cause normally I wouldn't care. I eventually will have to put myself out there.
A few days ago.(.here is an example of the things I would like to blog about, but I have some problems with sharing).
So a few days ago, when I was getting Braden out of bed. He was showering, and I was bringing him out of the shower in his shower chair. While I was backing up and wheeling him down the tiled floor ramp, I had a flashback. Something triggered a memory, I think it was the scar on the back of his head that made me remember the day of my car accident. People who live with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder can relate to triggers... unfortunately when you have a trigger and you try to push it to the back of your min, d, it all of a sudden becomes more intense. So there I am backing up down the ramp, and my breathing becomes rapid, panic sets in and its almost like you black out but your conscious.
For me, when these moments happen I feel instant guilt. Sadness washes over me, pain controls my body. This phenomenon is not anything new to me, I have lived with it for 20 years. I know myself well enough to pull myself out of the downward spiral. I have my own coping techniques that I use, but in those few moments I do have to go through the feelings that my body, mind and soul are experiencing.
With myself being in a frenzy, and like I had mentioned I lose myself for a moment I accidently banged Braden's foot into the shower stall. Jesus Christ.....could I feel anymore badly? F**k I can't seem to win with this kid. I seriously hurt him, his foot was cut and will probably have a bruise. Yes it is my fault, but honestly I wasn't there...my mind was not present. I didn't even have the words to explain that too him. I just apologized and tended to his wounds. PTSD is not easy to live with, it does effect my life ALOT. I don't really talk about it, I'm not even sure how aware I was of it. I suppose being home again, and being a full time care giver it can take a toll. I am aware, and I do need to make changes. I am still learning, still coping and still healing. Its going to take a life time, but that's ok I have that~

Let's change the exterior~

Well its about time friends!! Finally Paul and I are painting our front door and garage door, its only been 20 years coming. I hope and pray that I have chosen the right colors, I have no problems decorating the interior of my house but for some reason the front causes high anxiety.

I did consult with a professional about my choices, and they seem to think I am on the right track. I am anxious about our trim work and eaves troughs because the current color isn't very flattering. I want it all painted but Paul doesn't want too do it, and I'm worried it will cost too much to have someone come in and do it. I stopped into Home Depot and picked up a few sample pamphlets, so I managed to find some colors that I liked. Of course once I went into Benjamin Moore they showed me their colors so I had more options to choose from. I am thrilled with my colors...absolutely love them. I think I will hold off and not show you until we are finished.

 

 

Here's a picture of Paul starting the garage door. We really debated whether we were going to replace both the doors or just repair them and repaint. We decided to just paint, and of course we will change all our outdoor lights and house numbers.

I'm excited...thanks Paulie for being the best husband ever!

Well friends its a quick post tonight, kinda tired. So until tomorrow good night and god bless~